Exhausted in Dog World

I am making the best of it. But I am exhausted too. It’s so easy to write about virtues. I can write about superman and then strive to emulate him, my fantasy of the perfect, and even more humorous, man. And perhaps there is some benefit in being able to identify and articulate virtues, because this way they become values, and that’s how we have a life of consequence. And that leads to fulfillment, which is more important to happiness than is happiness itself. Faith over Fear. Spiritual path.

But I am exhausted and home alone for the weekend. I just have to make it until Sunday morning, and then Dani is going to pick me up and take me to the beach. I have the two dogs.

The dogs don’t give a shit about my stroke. Seriously. Frankie does not care at all. Neither does Cleo. Cleo is a sweet puppy, but she’s kind of a rascal. Frankie is a good boy. He’s not always so sweet, but he is a good boy. Cleo cares about being allowed to sleep on the bed. Actually, she does not care at all about being allowed to sleep on the bed, it’s the actual sleeping on the bed that she cares about.

Cleo knows a very simple fact. She knows that she wants to sleep on the bed more than I don’t want her to. She also knows that I’m basically kind and so I’m not really going to whack her or anything. So I remove her from the bed and say “No!” sharply. And she waits about fifteen seconds until I’m nice and comfortable with the light off, and I make that little sigh that says I’m now relaxed and ready to doze off, and she hops back up on the bed right by the foot, just out of kicking range, and freezes.

I relent and fall asleep. And that’s when she starts the rainbird sprinkler scratch, scratch, scratch scratch. Jingle jingle jingle because she has this big metal dog tag that says Mommy – phone number, Daddy – phone number. It’s cute, but it jingles on her collar when she does the rainbird sprinkler scratch.

Charlie and Simone and Wylie and Noah are all flying down to Brazil tonight. Dani drove me over to say good bye to them after my session with Katie. Ouch hurts my heart! They arrived in October of 2021 when Simone got her Visa, and now they are returning a year and four months later, after Simone got her Green Card.

Waiting for the Green Card seemed to take forever, and then it came, and now they are gone. Things went from we surrender we don’t know when, to surrender because it’s already gone. There is a hymn about that it says “It could be in 2000, I don’t know when it will be, but I know it will strike like it struck in the time of Noah.” It was the same with my stroke.

I encouraged Charlie to buy their return tickets to Brazil while Stephanie was down there because I thought when they bought the tickets that I was going to be down there too. And I think they bought the tickets in January. I bought their plane tickets when I thought I was going to Brazil last Friday with Stephanie. Oblivious.

And. now I’m here alone mostly because I am tired. Sometimes I wish there was someone that would put their shoulder under my ear and tell me that its all going to be fine. But not Cleo, She still walks across my stomach to climb the corner of the couch. She chews the little string tassels on the fancy cashmere blanket. She really does not give a shit. Now she’s got the ball wedged behind my back on the sofa and she’s playing the game about digging it out. Dogs really don’t get upset unnecessarily. And Frankie’s like what are you talking about? For two years you would just tell me to stay and wait and then disappear. And he can’t drive a car either. Maybe I should go roll around on a crab. That’s funny.

Brain damage! Hooray.

One thought on “Exhausted in Dog World

  1. I read this with tears in my eyes of happiness and gratitude. Happiness that you still have your wit and humor. Those neural pathways are building right back up and making new cosmic trails. Gratitude because you are still here! I felt this message so deeply. I grieved the person I used to be before I had cancer and it took awhile to be at peace in my body again. It came gradually.
    The upside is that all of your self introspective journeying through the years will build you back fast. You’ll be Spencer 4.0 in no time! Call on me if you need anything. This is what love is.❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️


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