Sweetness and the Fifth Chamber of the Sacred Heart

Recently I have been thinking a lot about some of the teachings that I received recently on a spriitual journey in Sedona, Arizona with Carissa Shumacher. Carissa is a full body channel for the spirit of Yeshua, and she has published a book, The Freedom Transmissions, of the wisdom she has received in her channeling. One of the critical lessons she shares in the Freedom Transmissions talks about the four chambers of the Sacred Heart. They are Simplicity, Stillness, Stability and Surrender. These are the four conditions that we must cultivate in order to enjoy a sense of inner peace, or divine peace, which creates an inner environment for our experience of life. If we have these four aspects in our hearts, then we can more easily stay in a state of inner peace regardless of what is happening outside of us in the horizontal world.

I was thinking of these four different qualities, and it occurred to me that one builds upon the other. I do not remember if this is my own original thought, or whether it is a bit of wisdom that I remember from Carissa’s channeling, but I suppose that does not matter much, because wisdom stands on its own regardless of who received it first. In this concept of the four chambers, the first is simplicity. Simplicity is a state of being that we can actively manage in our activities in the world. We can cultivate simplicity like growing a garden. If our lives are overly noisy and complex, it becomes impossible to maintain the other aspects of the sacred heart. We cannot work very effectively on inner stillness and stability if our complicated lives are constantly throwing us off balance. So simplicity is where we can first engage in the path to inner peace. We can cultivate simplicity in our lives.

Once we start doing this work, we will see that stability is the benefit of cultivating simplicity. By reducing the impacts of external events, we create a stable interior platform. From this stable platform, we can enjoy stillness. If our internal world is constantly in the balance, shifting one way and then the other, without stability, then we cannot stay still. But if we have stability, we can rest in stillness. And from here, we can start to connect to the divine that is within all of us.

That concept of the divine existing within all of us is such a powerful concept, and it is also the concept that sent Yeshua to the cross. If we all have access to the divine within ourselves, then we do not need other people to access the divine presence. Institutions of religions have no purpose if a single individual can access the divine directly. To access this divine presence, we just need to sit in the stillness and silence that we are permitted when we enjoy stability in our interior world, and this stability is built upon a life of simplicity.

And when we start to connect with our interior divinity, we can start to receive impressions that can guide us in the conduct of our lives. And this is the next step–surrender. We still have to listen and follow what we find. We may not like these instructions very much if we have a lot of pet addictions and obsessions in our lives. This examination of the conscience that we can engage in the stillness sometimes brings up aspects of our shadows that we would rather not encounter. It is this discomfort itself that causes us to complicate our lives. The divine instructions are usually very simple and to avoid them, we make our lives very complicated.

So once we cultivate simplicity, we can create stability, and from stability comes stillness, and from stillness comes surrender to the voice of the divine within us.

These practices feel a bit ascetic to me. I imagine John the Baptist and the early Essenes meditating in their caves above the valley of the Dead Sea. So many of our spiritual practices are ascetic, and these practices definitely do help. They are common across so many cultures. The strongest ascetic practice I have ever witnessed is the practice of the Yawanawa people of the Amazon when they go on a sacred “dieta” in communion with the sacred plant “Muka” which is the manifestation of the divine eternal power on earth. To enter communion with this power, one must exist alone in the jungle for several months on a diet that maintains life just above the limits of starvation and dehydration. It is an intense practice to bring a person closer to God, but not one that has ever called to me personally.

We have less extreme versions. And that gets me to the revelation that I have been receiving. Sweetness is the fifth chamber of the sacred heart. It is the essence of the vibration of peace that is the ultimate goal of spiritual practice. Sweetness is kindness to the self, and from here, we can extend kindness in the world around us. Sweetness is what binds compassion to peace. This reminds me of the core teachings of Thich Naht Hanh, who recognizes that the purpose of a meditation practice is to experience happiness and joy in life. So the purpose of the ascetic life is not to cultivate harsh conditions and suffering, it is to create a beautiful interior platform that can support the growth of sweetness within.

I came to this revelation suddenly after several days of conflict. I had been suffering in miscommunication with the people closest to me. Lots of words were exchanged, but the words I said did not seem to penetrate, and the words I received felt harsh and lacking in understanding. It was not until the words stopped and the sweetness came out that the misunderstanding stopped.

I tend to get so trapped inside my head, with lists of reasons, and explanations and misunderstandings. But the body knows so much better. A gentle gesture, a soft touch, a gentle smile can communicate so much better sometimes. All of this work on the path of the Rainbow Warrior. All of this practice and all of this work, it can seem like a lot, and it can feel so harsh. But the remedy for this, the salve, is sweetness. First to ourselves, and then to others. Thus sweetness is the fifth chamber of the sacred heart.

Two Ways to Look at Love

A friend of mine asked me for the definition of love the other day. I reached into my spiritual tool box and started to try to put into words a description of Universal Love. I have heard it said many times on the spiritual path that we are supposed to love everyone and everything, and I was doing my best to come up with a definition that could be written down on a flash card. Universal love in twenty five words or less. She was not impressed at all.

“No” she said. “That’s not it at all. Love is a special connection between two people. When you say you love someone, you are talking about a bond between two people. It is the glue that holds them together in a relationship.” She went on to point out that all this spiritual talk about love and about how we are supposed to love everything and everyone removes the meaning from the word.

I have been sitting with this for several days. How can I reconcile these two notions of love? I think the only way to do so is to recognize that the word love is used to describe two very different energies.

The first, the Universal love, or spiritual love, is really a way of being. When we talk of spiritual masters like the Buddha or the Christ, we see that these masters have love that comes from the divine and then when they look out upon the world, love is the lens that they look through. In this sense, love is like a set of rose colored sunglasses. We look out on the world through the lens of love, and then we love all of the things that we see in the world.

The second notion of love is very different. When we say “I love you” to someone, most people think this means something significant. This is where I was running afoul with my sloppy language. It is one thing to understand the principle of universal love and to say that I love all beings as I love myself. Actually, that would not even be true in my case, because I have not achieved anything close to that level of spiritual perfection. There are plenty of things in the world that I judge and dislike. But at least I understand that concept, and if I were to develop true spiritual mastery, then I would be able to say I love all beings.

It clarifies my thinking when I consider relationships that have ended with people who I once had a special bond with. When these relationships have come to an end at a few painful crossroads in my life, the first stage of separation is a very painful process. I have still felt a lot of energy between myself and the other, but the feelings are very difficult feelings. It hurts when we suffer a severance of these relationships. It feels like a limb has been amputated.

So imagine people are like birds or fish. There is a flock of parrots flying around my neighborhood right now, and I can see the little green noisy parrots in the palm tree outside my window. All of the birds in the flock are pretty much the same to me. Let’s say I love the parrots. This does not mean that I love any one of them in particular. There are a bunch of these green birds in the flock, and I love them all. Easy enough to understand.

But lets say I start to feed one of these parrots in particular, and that we start to develop a relationship, until one day, this particular parrot bites me really hard. I will have gone through several stages of relationship with the parrot. First, this bird was a member of a flock, and then I felt about it like I did the rest of the flock. Then I made a special relationship with it, and had a friendship, and then this relationship soured when it bit me. I know have special feelings for this one parrot as a result of the relationship we have together.

So now that the relationship is over, it does me no good to carry negative feelings towards this parrot any longer. I should return it, in my mind and heart at least, to the flock. I should seek to restore for myself the feeling of loving all the parrots that are in the flock, and not having any particular feeling toward this one member.

The same happens with people. When we walk down the street, we see people everywhere. They are like birds in a flock. We can have a sort of universal love feeling towards all of the people we see when we walk down the street. Then, when we enter a special relationship with someone, we can call this love, and we feel a special bond with one person in particular, and we walk the road of a love relationship with them. Sometimes this goes on for life and all ends well, but for most relationships, they end sooner than that, and this causes upset right? And so now instead of love, we have these injured feelings. We look at this one person as different from everyone else.

This happens in all kinds of relationships, not just romantic relationships. We can love a new job, love our coworkers, love our boss, but when things don’t go so well, then love quickly turns.

So the first kind of love is a Universal Spiritual Love that says a lot more about us than about a particular relationship that we have. This is about looking upon the world with kindness and forgiveness and tolerance. If we look at the world through this lens, then we will have warm hearts and good feelings. On top of this we have our special relationships, and these we have to nurture and care for.

And so what have I learned? I have learned not to throw the word LOVE around so carelessly. I have been guilty of saying “I love you” to people without being clear about whether I mean something special. When I tell someone that I love them, I want to be clear that I am talking about appreciating the special bond we share. I need to be clear that I am not talking about my spiritual frame of reference, but about my feelings in particular towards a special relationship.

I am very fortunate that I have several close loving relationships in my life. I am also fortunate that I have some understanding of how having a loving frame of reference can make me a happier person. But I’m not going to confuse these concepts anymore, and I think I’m going to be a little slower to reach for that word so I do not reduce the significance of it when I really do mean it.

Warrior Spirit – Self Knowledge, Consciously Inhabiting A Flexible Persona, and Emotional Availability

Often when I receive a spiritual insight, it comes in a dream at the end of a sleep. The other day I took an afternoon nap on a rainy afternoon here in Telluride, and I fell soundly asleep and deep into dreaming. I was dreaming that someone was accusing me of being emotional unavailable, and in the dream I was considering this. I suddenly felt an insecurity that I was harboring inside myself that I did not want to look at. In the dream, I saw how I protect myself by hiding my insecurity behind an outward persona that I project to the world.

Someone once told me something about Buddhist philosophy that stuck with me. They said that we all have three personas. First, we have the public persona that we display to the world at large. For most of my life, this was my professional persona. My identity was printed on a business card. I showed up, on time, in a suit, and got the job done. For decades this persona served in most of my daily interactions with people. The second persona is the person we display to those who are close–our friends, family, neighbors and people we trust. The third persona is who we really are, shadow and all, and it is this persona that most of us do not even know ourselves. We deny the truth about ourselves because we are ashamed or afraid or addicted or simply unaware. This is a serious break in integrity that comes from our very root, for how can we be grounded at all if we do not even know and accept ourselves as we truly are?

I naively thought for a few years that one of the ideal purposes of a spiritual life would be to integrate these three persona’s. I thought, naively, that if I could come to truly know myself, then I could integrate these three personas. I would be possessed of deep self knowledge, and then I would present my full authentic self at all times. Of course, this does not at all work in the real world. I have to be able to go into the public world with a persona that enables me to accomplish my day to day routine without any unnecessary conflict or drama.

So over years I realized that instead of unifying these three personas, it is more important to use them consciously. And then it became clear that I actually have many personas that I present to the world from moment to moment. The persona I present to my parents and family at Thanksgiving can be different from the persona I present to my personal friends and different from the persona I present to my spiritual community. Consider politics as an example. I have relationships with people of all kinds of different political persuasions. But it’s usually quite pointless to engage in debates about politics. And so in my persona, I reveal my political feelings in varying degree.

But what I learned in the dream is that there are aspects of myself that even I do not want to look at or admit. I myself turn away from looking at these aspects of myself, and so as a result, I create a persona that I display to my very own conscience so that I do not suffer the pain of self loathing that comes when I examine the parts of myself that I do not love.

In my spiritual tradition, there is frequent reference to the allegory of the iron giant with feet of clay. This is often used to describe the unsustainable society that humankind is building. The same holds for the persona that I build when I do not truly know myself. The iron giant is the image of who I am that I present to myself that I can love and embrace and feel good about. This persona excludes and denies the things I do not love about myself, and therefore, I can look at this self image and believe that I am a good person who deserves to love and be loved. But if I build a persona that I show to myself, that denies my own true nature, then my very identity will have feet of clay underneath.

This causes a tremendous dissonance within me. I hide the part of myself that I do not love, and build an image of myself that I do love, and when evidence of the truth pops up, I avoid it or deny it or pretend that it does not matter, or whatever, and this prevents me from having real integrity. Instead of being rooted firmly in self knowledge and self acceptance, I have the feet of clay that comes from denying who I really am even to myself.

I saw in my dream this prevented me from being emotionally available. True emotional availability is not possible when I protect a self image that hides the things I do not like about myself. Every conversation, every interaction, every relationship, has an aspect of protecting myself from the truth about myself.

So the first key in this work that I am doing right now is to get out the flash light and look at all the parts of myself that I do not love. This does not mean that I need to expose them at all. It only means that I need to know what they are and then reconcile them. The key to reconciliation is the knowledge and faith that I am a child of God, created as God created me, living in this world. I am what I am.

My relationships with other people are very helpful in this process, because we all act as mirrors for each other. It is very easy to see the things I do not like in another person, and when I have strong reactions to other people, it’s usually because they trigger something inside of me. These triggers open the path to self knowledge. I can then replace or heal them with forgiveness, self acceptance and self love. I am a child of God, I inhabit the world material world created by my divine mother, and my purpose here is to love all beings equally as I love myself.

So where does all this self loathing come from? We are taught this from a very young age by our parents, our teachers, our peers. As a young child, I was told by priests on a daily basis that I was born a sinner and that I needed to seek absolution for my sinful nature every minute of every day. That there was only one person who was ever not a sinner, and they killed him on the cross anyway. Have we not all been taught this? That we deserve to be rejected at the gates of heaven if it were not for the salvation meted out to us? This is not the path of spiritual enlightenment at all. This is the path of slavery to human institutions. It is the prison for the mind that makes us all slaves.

So I have been replacing this with the concept that I am fundamentally a good person. I am kind, I am loving, and I am emotionally available. I can trust my natural inclinations to guide me in my daily life.

But this does not at all mean that other people have the same opinions! I do not need to expose myself to the judgments and derision of other people and neither do you. I have an easy example. I have two tattoos, one on each shoulder. There are people that I am in relationship with who have a very antiquated view of tattoos and they think people who have them are deviants. I remember an interaction I had with someone where they were going on about how no self respecting person would get a tattoo, and I remember thinking that they were assuming I did not have one. I declined to show them that I have one. But I also know that I do have one and I accept this about myself.

And that’s where it is possible to have a consciously managed persona. If I can continue on the path of self knowledge and self acceptance, then I can know and love who I truly am. And then I can be truly available emotionally to the world and to other people. At the same time, I can manage my persona to slip easily through life. Instead of a heavy shield that protects me from myself, my persona becomes like an energetic force field that projects out of my consciousness. It is incredibly light and strong. The heart secure behind this protection is available to love. Self knowledge is the first step.

Key to Warrior Archetype – Submission to a Higher Authority

Aloha — I’ve been receiving a lot of ideas about the path of a warrior, and I’ve felt a little hesitant to speak about it in those terms, because it seems like such a masculine cliché to think of oneself as a warrior. The Marine Corp Commercials (my dad served in the Marines, and I give them my utmost respect) and the old movie Conan the Barbarian often come to mind when one thinks of a warrior. But the spiritual Archetype of the Warrior is the gateway through which a person truly enters the spiritual life. The concept of Archetypes, I think, was first published by Carl Jung. Archtypes are concepts that exist in the collective unconsciousness and they help us define our role in life. They represent the embodiment of many negative and positive polarities that work together.

The notion of the Warrior archetype itself is quite ancient. Almost every ancient religion has a god dedicated to the warrior. Mars should come immediately to mind. But what is it about the Warrior Archetype that is so critical to our spiritual evolution here in our lives? When one thinks of a Warrior, one may think of a violent and brash individual who kills and then takes what he wants by force. We see warriors depicted as violent and ignorant men for whom the ends justify any means, and plunder is an acceptable end. This is the negative polarity of the Warrior, and it is what happens when a the “higher authority” a person surrenders to is a human authority.

But there is a more subtle and important understanding of the Warrior Archetype in the spiritual context. I find my favorite expression of this in the book “The Bowl of Light” by Hank Wesselman. The Bowl of Light is a brilliant book about Hawaiian spirituality, which is amazingly similar to the Taoism. In both of these ancient traditions, the original source of creation first split into masculine and feminine energies, and then after that came the three related aspects of creation: matter, energy and consciousness. The ancient ancestors of Hawaiian spirituality, and the Chinese masters of philosophy that go back 5,000 years to the Yellow Emperor, all landed on the same truths about the nature of the universe and what it means to be human.

The Bowl of Light details conversations the author, Hank Wesselman had with the Hawaiian “Kahuna” Hale Makua before the latter died in 2004 in an automobile accident. In this book, Hale Makua explains the basic six archetypes of human spiritual development. They go from Servant to Artist to Warrior to Scholar to Sage to Priest to King. Each of these stages is worth reading about. But the level of the Warrior is the true initiation into the spiritual life.

We all have, especially in the United States, great love for artists, and many of us think that the artist or scientist represents the highest level of individual development. The Artist creates and indeed is the highest level of self expression. This is the highest level most people will ever reach. But the true spiritual path starts with the Warrior, and as explained in the Bowl of Light:

We have mentioned that the positive polarity of the Warrior is persuasion, and the negative, coercion. The goal of the Warrior is ho’o māhua kala — submission to the higher authority–and his or her mode of operation requires ho’o manawa nui –perseverence.

Bowl of Light, Hank Wesselman 2011, page 116

This is such an important concept. The Warrior lives in service of a mission, and to be of service, the Warrior must submit to a higher authority. In the human world, this can mean submitting to the higher authority of another person, and as many horrific wars and abuses have demonstrated, the negative polarity of this is violence and coercion. We see this played out every day in the brutality of war.

But the spiritual Warrior submits to the higher authority of the divine and dedicates his or her life to fulfilling the divine mission that they have received. Most people in our society, cut off from their divine connection, live their lives in the world of 10,000 things, seeking security and happiness and satisfaction from the pursuit of their material desires. At this level, one can be a great artist. Living that way, people basically avoid pain and seek pleasure, and their guidance comes from “keeping up with the Joneses”, or the modern day equivalent, living on likes and followers in social media. Cut off from any divine connection, the busy mind does not have any system of values to know what it should want, and so it goes about chasing the things it is told that will make it happy. People guided in this fashion spend their lives chasing their tails in a never ending state of Samsara pursuing worthless things that can never make them happy.

When someone starts to sense that there must be more to their life, they might start a spiritual pursuit. How many people are “spiritual but not religious” these days? I think that might be the largest religious identification now. But what does spiritual even mean? Spirit means that we recognize that our true essence is that of a spirit, and that our spirit is incorporated in this material body. This is the basic first step to understanding our true nature. The next step is then to restore the divine connection between our spirit and our source, through the seventh chakra, which has been severed completely in most people.

Once we connect to our divine source, we see that we have a purpose in our life. This purpose is often completely at odds with the material lives we have accumulated. We have jobs, debts, relationships, material possessions, an entire life, that was built by pursuing whatever guidance system we had in place of our divine channel. Our lives thus constructed, for the most part anyway, place value on all of the things that we will not be taking with us when we die. In other words, we have been living in the world of illusion chasing worthless things.

Upon having a “spiritual awakening” one realizes that their true nature is that of a spirit and that following the journey of a meaningful life is the only way to find any satisfaction. It might be very difficult to come to terms with the realization that your whole life was built on the pursuit of worthless things. Your higher self cares not at all for these shiny objects of the world of 10,000 things. Your higher self wants only to see that you have fulfilled your divine purpose in coming to this planet. This is your spiritual mission, and the only way to be happy and fulfilled is to … yes… wait for it… surrender to the higher authority and start taking orders from your divine guidance system.

This might cause a complete upheaval in your life, because you will be replacing your entire set of values. Things in your life that do not serve your divine mission will be stripped from you. The Path of the Spiritual Warrior is to understand that you are a spirit that is having a material experience in this world. That you have a mission to fulfill and that you live your life in service to a higher divine authority. Most people don’t want to wake up to this, so they just keep their heads down and keep running in circles. But there is no happiness or fulfillment to be found there. You might work in an office until you retire to a gated community in Naples, Florida and then spend the last few years of your life on a golf course with a gold watch. But you will never dance in the wind.

So these lessons about being a Warrior really are about how to find your connection to your divine source and then dedicate your life to obedience to your divine guidance.

Aloha

Masculine Diet of the Seven Chakras for Self Discipline – Foundation Of Yang Strength

You can make a decision to start a spiritual path of self discipline in a single moment, and this decision will change your life when you make it. That is because the first step in the right direction is always exactly one step away. You can, in this very moment, decide to transform yourself. You can transform yourself into a powerful person who acts from a center of self discipline. This process can be completed in 30 days, and you can decide to start right this second. Yes, right now. You can start a 30 day Yang power diet of self discipline, and when you emerge from this 30 days, you will be a powerful person who acts in concert with divine guidance and is free from addictions, from sloth, lust, gluttony, envy, wrath, greed, and pride. You must simply learn to preserve your personal power and tune in to your divine guidance. This article will show you how.

As I write about the development of benevolent Yang energy, it becomes more and more clear to me that these lessons apply to women as well as to men. All of us have Yin and Yang energy, and we can all benefit from understanding the Yang side of that equation. Our Yang energy is that which gives us the ability to execute in the world. It is the power to take what we want when we see it. It’s the ability to make the next move, to close the deal, to shoot the arrow. Women need this aspect as well as Men, and both need to exercise control over this personal power.

Usually it is Men who suffer from excesses of their Yang nature. You see this in cases of “male fragility”. You also see it in men who are controlled by addictions and obsessions, men who anger easily, men who react to their emotional responses, and in men who make a mess out of their lives. Men who resort to violence and men who feel a compulsive need to dominate in every situation suffer from male fragility. This can happen in women too, particularly those who are overcompensating as a result of old wounds they suffered. There are many women who have to have their way, and who always want to speak first. Excesses of Yang cause suffering in both genders, and we can all benefit from self discipline.

In our culture, we resist the notion of discipline. We think of it as minor punishment we received for failing to follow the orders of our teachers or parents or whatever outside forces have used punishment and reward to control our behaviors. We think of discipline as something which limits our freedom, and we often hide our true nature to avoid negative external consequences, and this causes our shadows to develop and fester. But this is not what discipline really means.

Those who suffer from a lack of discipline waste their energy all the time. They spew out unnecessary words, eat and drink to excess, obsess about new opportunities to ejaculate, and enter into conflicts every time they come across another strong man. Many indigenous traditions that I have learned from talk about the spiritual diet, and how this diet concentrates and preserves spiritual energy. This “dieta” as they call it, is much more than simply limiting food intake. It involves discipline in each of the chakra centers.

If you want to develop your true power in this world, these chakra disciplines will help you concentrate and preserve your individual power. The dieta works by restoring your personal integrity. Without personal integrity, you can have no power, because your power will leak out where your integrity is broken. Your integrity can be seen as energy flowing through your seven chakras. So as we go through each Chakra, we will talk both about breaks in integrity, and how a dieta can fix this.

The dieta is a regimen of prayer, meditation, and self restraint that takes place over a specified period. For this initial dieta, a period of 30 days is recommended. An important part of this dieta is devoting at least 30 minutes at the beginning of each day to prayer and meditation. It is best to wake up 30 minutes earlier than you are accustomed to waking so that you can do your prayer and meditation before your routine would otherwise start. It is also a good idea to reflect on your day before you go to bed each evening.

First Chakra – Belonging, Tribe, Connection to Gaia and Yin Side

The first Chakra is so often overlooked as a major power center for all of us. This is because it is the root, and as such, it does not move very much, or make a lot of noise. The Root Chakra is where we connect to the earth, to our tribe and to our sense of belonging. Those with a strong root chakra transmit a feeling of presence, stability, calm, and unflappability. People who have a break in their root chakra can never settle down. The fly from place to place, but never seem at home in any of the places they travel. They are the people who might show up, and might be charming, but who can never be counted on. They are the ones who always rise quickly in popularity, but then disappear just when you depend on them. They often suffer from a deep wound of “not belonging” and of self rejection. People broken at the first chakra give their power away through sloth.

The dieta for the first chakra is to stay put for a while. As you go for your 30 days, stay put where you are for your dieta. Identify the communities that you participate in, and stay with them for 30 days. Do you have a community at work, in a church, in a sport, it a book club, in your family, through your heritage, or in a recovery program? Make a list of the community you care about, and give some energy to your community. Resist temptations for the 30 days to run after the next great thing. Decline invitations to new things. This 30 days is about centering yourself where you are.

In your daily meditation, sit on the floor or the ground on a comfortable cushion. Imagine a root growing down out of your first chakra deep into the earth below you. Imagine you are firmly rooted in your position. Imagine a tree, like a palm, with a deep tap root, that can blow and bend in the strongest wind, and never be moved from its place. This is you. You are here. You are ok. You are enough. You are an essential part of your community. You do not need to run. You can stay in your place. These are all thoughts you can repeat in your mind and then let them sink in your body. Embrace these thoughts and feel the difference in your way of being as you receive and accept their strong vibration of belonging.

The discipline for the First Chakra is to resist the temptation to run. When our fight or flight adrenal response activates, flight is a very weak Yang response. If we run every time we have a conflict or a difficulty, we can never have power. The key to the first chakra is to breath and remain in your place when anxiety arises inside you. Men and women can both benefit from this discipline.

After your 30 days of staying put and meditation daily about establishing your root, you will find yourself to be much more stable and self assured. You will feel anxiety arise in your body, but instead of running, you will remain firm and face it. This energy that comes in the anxiety is released when you run. But if you stay put, you can harness and retain this energy in your field.

Second Chakra – Sexual Discipline

Not a lot of people like to hear about sexual discipline. They think it is prudish, but in fact it is quite the opposite. Most men are encouraged to spend their lives pursuing ever more exciting opportunities to ejaculate. How many men do you know who have ruined their lives by letting this urge control their behavior? It’s a very curious subject in American culture. Almost any Indigenous Diet for men includes a prohibition of sex.

But it is not the enjoyment of sexual relationships that depletes our power, rather it is the undisciplined pursuit of ejaculation itself. Think about this for a minute, even if it’s uncomfortable. What power could you retain if you exercised self restraint in this area? Look at all the trouble you would avoid if you no longer allowed yourself to be controlled by this urge. People who are broken at the second chakra give their power away through lust, and this lust can cause a man to throw away everything of value in his life for the pursuit of a few sticky seconds of pleasure.

Many athletes and performers know that they perform better if they refrain from sex before an event or competition. This is because, as any doctor of Chinese medicine can tell you, when a man ejaculates, he releases a tremendous amount of his Chi energy. So for your 30 day diet, try going 30 days without ejaculating. You can still have sex, but stop short.

Can you see how this discipline will improve your life? If you have trouble sticking with a relationship, or if you are addicted to pornography, or if you regularly deplete you own Chi, and this practice of retaining your Chi will bring you incredible discipline. How many men have broken integrity over their sexuality? Either they do their deeds in the dark, hoping nobody will find out, and then they create a huge shadow that festers inside them, or they galavant about society with a different woman on their arm every night, and they can never be happy. All of their money and energy flows away from them because they have no control over their sexuality.

This is one place where women truly are superior to men. Women can have sex as much as they like, because they do not deplete their energy when they do so. If a man is in relationship with a powerfully sexual woman, you can please her a lot more completely and a lot more frequently if you learn to retain your Chi. This is especially important for men as we grow older. Very young men quickly replenish their Chi after ejaculation, but as we get older it takes longer to replenish. You can find your own ideal frequency through experimentation. This is opposite everything we are taught.

Third Chakra – Diet, Exercise, Action in the World

The Third Chakra is where most of our notions of dieting land. In our culture, we think of a diet as a food restriction, most often a calorie restriction. The history of food diets in America is a laughable failure. We have all been given so much advice about diets that we have lost all of our common sense. It has gotten to the point that people are told that they have no agency over their own diet, and that if a person is obese, there is nothing they can do about it. We should never judge our brothers and sisters, but at the same time, we should never encourage them to give away their power by joining the belief that we do not have the power to control ourselves. People who are broken at the third Chakra give their power away through gluttony..

So here is the diet for 30 days. No cigarettes or any form of nicotine. No Alcohol. No Caffeine. No opioids, Nothing sweetened with artificial sweeteners, nothing with even a gram of sugar added. No processed foods like wheat or bread or anything with flour. No sodas diet or otherwise. No french fries. No fruit juices. We are talking about a full on whole foods diet. When you go to the grocery store, make sure everything you buy is simply what it is. No ingredients. Like Kale is just Kale. Beef is just Beef. Apples are just apples. If you buy peanut butter, make sure that peanuts and salt are the only ingredients. Avoid any preservatives. If you go 30 days sticking to this, then you can question whether you want to bring some of these addictions, particularly alcohol and cigarettes, back into your life.

The third Chakra is where you bring your will into material reality through action. This is the principal Chakra where Yang power is expressed in the world. By exercising discipline over our own consumption, then we can preserve our power to strike at what we really want. If we limit our consumption of garbage foods, for example, then we can take highly nutritious food instead. If we chase every opportunity that appears to us without discernment, then our power is spread all over with projects we never finish, and we accomplish nothing.

To develop power in the third Chakra we must exercise the discipline of self restraint. People who have a break at this level often have good ideas that they clearly express, and that they believe in their hearts. They just never get anything done at the material level. They talk all night about the way the world should be, and then they never do anything about it the next day. By exercising restraint here, you can dedicate your energy to making things happen that you really value the most.

Fourth Charka – Dieta for the Heart

How much do you read about how men need to get in touch with their feelings? We read about this all the time don’t we? But really, the dieta for the heart is more about not getting carried away by our emotions. Men who do not have self discipline in the emotional body, often reject all of their own feelings and try to act only from reason. They deny that they have feelings at all. But this never works, because they end up with feelings anyway, which are usually the negative and destructive emotions of anger, fear, jealosy, and especially envy. People who are broken in the heart give their power away through Envy.

The dieta for the heart is one of acceptance. We all look into the world and see what others have, and this produces envy. This is the tendency which causes weak men to see all other men as competitors. Men like this do not see strong brothers as valuable teammates. Instead they see all of their brothers as competitors. Healthy men and masculine energies that are aware of, but not overcome by, the emotional signals of the heart are happy when they are joined by another masculine force that is stronger, faster, smarter, or whatever, because they see their connections as teammates not competitors.

The Dieta of the heart is exercised mostly in constant awareness of the energy flowing through your heart center. As you go about your 30 days, let yourself be aware of the feelings that pass through your heart, but do not get carried away by them. If you feel anger and immediately rush into action, you are wasting your Chi. Instead allow your emotions to inform you about your world. You might see something, or hear something, and this might create an emotional response. But instead of reacting to it, sit with the energy and preserve it. A man who can experience his emotions and not deny them, while at the same time not being overcome by them, is truly on the path to being a spiritual warrior. Stillness and breath are so important here.

People who are broken at this chakra can have good ideas and they may express them well, but they don’t have any emotional connection to them. They live in a cold analytical world with the detritus of emotional outbursts surrounding them. People who can only want what others have already are dominated by Envy and broken in the heart.

Fifth Chakra – Dieta for the voice

Speak little and listen a lot. This is powerful advice given by almost every spiritual master I have ever listened to. If we open our mouth and talk too much, then we are spilling our power everywhere. I had a law school professor who did not like it when students would highlight portions of their exam papers. He said, ‘why are you writing things that are not important? If you highlight sections of your answers, I will assume that the rest is not important, and I will only read the highlighted portions” People who are broken at the fifth chakra often give their power away through wrath.

The voice is how men of power make their will manifest in the world. It is through the power of the voice that a single man can influence a thousand of his brothers. But if he wastes this power, then everyone will turn their ears off. The most common waste of power from the fifth chakra comes when we speak in anger. Our tongue become the whip that lashes the people we love. We say what we regret. We speak in polarities and exaggerate our grievances. We cry wolf, complain too much, and eat more words than we wish.

A thirty day dieta of the throat chakra will involve at least a couple hours of silence every day. Maybe you can set aside an hour each day, and this can include your time of meditation, where you do not speak a word. For the rest of your day, practice discipline in your speech. Before just opening your mouth at the first impulse and letting words and power spew out of your mouth, just take a moment to think and bring your consciousness into play. Each word is an energy you are putting out. To what effect?

People who are broken at this chakra often talk a lot about what they neither think nor feel. They are the liars who think they can get what they want or avoid negative consequences by saying things they neither believe nor feel. You know who these people are because they are easy to recognize. Do not be one of them.

Sixth Chakra – Third Eye and the Mind

Your concept of the world you live in is a construct of the mind and this construct is displayed in the third eye. I remember when I first heard of the “third eye,” I wondered whether it really existed. Of course it does. The third eye is simply that organ inside you that produces the three dimensional model of reality that you think you inhabit. The senses all collect data that are transmitted to the third eye, and from this data, your world view is constructed. The mind is also where we receive and often identify with our thoughts. Our dominate thought pattern is called our ego, and we often think that this is who we really are. People who are broken at the level of the third eye give away their power through greed, because the mind always finds a justification for taking whatever it wants.

To illustrate the power of the third eye, think of what happens when you dream. When you dream you create an alternative three dimensional reality in your third eye apparatus, only this time, the input is not your senses. The input is instead whatever it is that powers your dreams. The same for visionary experiences. Typically when we have a visionary experience, our eyes are closed and we have a waking dream in the third eye where we are shown a vision. This happens very often when people are experiencing plant medicines and receive a vision guided by a divine being.

The dieta for the third eye and the mind is quiet. Simple as that. Almost every meditation technique that we learn about involves the quieting of the mind. We are all so enthralled by our own thoughts and we believe them so easily because we think they are our own. A lot of the time, we have such a direct channel from our thoughts to our mouths, that whatever notion crosses our mind, we spew into the world as fact through our mouths. Thus the dieta of the throat and the mind are very similar. If you shut your mouth the thoughts will continue to bounce around in your mind. They will create and generate emotions and urges which activate your other chakras. The power of your mind flows everywhere, and it is in self discipline of the mind that we can gain control over the rest of our chakras. This is why we call self restraint “will power”

The mind is our friend when we use it appropriately, but we are seldom taught to control our own minds. Instead we ask our minds to control us. This is very common in our society because we have all been cut off from our divine guidance system that comes from the Seventh Chakra. The mind, however, is merely a good puzzle solver and also acts like a radio receiver. Thoughts are received in our mind and processed through our personalities.

The mind is very good at figuring out how to get what it wants, but it is not good at all at figuring out what it should want. Our minds are subjected to constant attacks by forces that seek to control and manipulate us by implanting desires in our thoughts. The mind has no value system except that which it is given from external messages. Just think how often you see something advertised that you never thought about before, and as soon as you see it, you think you’d be happier if you had it, and then the mind goes about trying to get it for you. The undisciplined mind is constantly in pursuit of happiness in the world of the ten thousand things. A man who follows the undisciplined mind gives all his power away by chasing after worthless things.

The dieta of the mind will bring you quiet and tranquility. There are two essential parts to the mental dieta. The first is to limit the input streams into your mind. Learn to be a guardian at the gate of what comes into your mind. It is recommended that you turn off all of your social media for this 30 day period. You can go 30 days without the constant mental stimulation of social media. It is also recommended that you limit your news intake. Limit the inputs of negative people, of bad news, of complaints and negativity. For 30 days focus on keeping guard at the entry points to your mind.

The second aspect for the dieta for the mind comes in our meditation. As we develop our mental discipline we learn to quiet our thoughts and observe inside of us where our thoughts are coming from. It is our dominant thought patterns that create our external reality, and so to change our life, we must first learn to dominate the mind. From this practice we learn to release extraneous thoughts without manifesting them through our words or actions. By exercising discipline in our thoughts we learn who we really are. Your daily meditation is key to developing this power.

Seventh Chakra – Divine Connection

The Seventh Chakra at the crown of our heads is where we receive our divine guidance. Most of us have lost our divine connections in this materialist world. Instead of cherishing our connection to God and creation, we wonder if they even exist. People who have lost their divine connection may appear to be very intelligent and effective in the world, but their happiness is hollow, and they never have any satisfaction from what they achieve in the world. The Divine Connection is where we find our sense of value and purpose in the world, and when we act in accord with our higher purpose, we feel happy and fulfilled in our lives.

Ants teach a very good lesson about divine connection. In observing leaf cutter ants in Brazil, it’s amazing to see how each ant acts individually, and is also perfectly connected to its higher purpose. What good would an ant be if it were working on it’s own agenda? Not much good at all. We cherish in our society our sense of individuality, and so we are often loath to surrender our ego to the divine will. This is an aspect of pride, and this is why people give away the power of their divine connection through pride.

If you can humble yourself and learn to discern the divine purpose of your life, and then you allow this to guide you, then it is your divine purpose that will inform your thoughts, and these thoughts will translate into the words, feelings and actions that you take. This divine guidance will thus flow from your seventh chakra all the way to your root chakra, and this makes kind of a loop that you might already see. For when you do your meditation on your root chakra, you can see that it is the energy of your divine purpose flowing uninterrupted all through your chakras down to your root and then this returns back to your diving purpose.

People who are broken at the divine connection have to find their purpose in the world of ten thousand things. They want what they see in the hands of others. They let their thoughts dominate their desires, and they accept influence from all kinds of sources. If you have no connection to divine power, then you are like an ant who is walking about on his own purpose. You can have no power at all when you are thus alone.

Every day for this thirty days you must pray and meditate and silence the mind. Let your higher self inform your thoughts. Feel the divine guidance resonating inside you, and learn to recognize it. You will be rewarded with a system of values that will direct your actions and words. You will learn to assuage your feelings through acceptance and trust. You will learn self discipline for all your chakras through your divine connection.

The Power is All Yours Already – All you have to do is Begin

If you start this dieta right now, in 30 days your life will be completely different. You will no longer be addicted to any substances, you will already be improving your physical health through your improved nutrition. You will already have quieted your mind and your heart, you will have restored your connection to your community and your divine nature. You will have softened your voice. You will see other strong masculine forces as powerful allies in your own mission, and you will not longer waste your energy chasing things through greed and lust. In 30 days you can be a completely different person. You just have to take the first step, and then keep going.

Good luck and Peace.

Knowing Who You Really Are – Lessons for the Yang Warrior

Many of us have often heard it said that it is very important to “know who you really are” as we make your way on our spiritual journey through this world, but have you really have ever had a true understanding of what this means? The essence of “who you really are” is buried under such a mountain of wounds and egotistical constructs that the little voice of your true nature is buried and so difficult to hear. We tend to identify with the ego clutter and lose touch with our true self.

Your Human Nature and your Higher Nature

One of my spiritual teachers was talking the other day about two aspects of ourselves that we have to integrate to understand who we really are. First, we have a Human Nature. We live in a material world incorporated here as Humans, and Humans have needs and desire, fears and doubts, and all kinds of needs and motivations. A large part of our life here involves tending to these demands of our Human Nature. Your Human nature also includes your shadow, and that is the part of yourself that you would rather not look at.

Your Higher Nature is your divine spirit that is incorporated here in the material world. This is the Higher Nature can be accessed when we raise our consciousness up above this material plane. We can connect to our higher nature in prayer and meditation, and we return to our higher nature when we leave this world. But most of us are stuck at the level of our human nature, and this is because we have rejected a part of us that is know as the Shadow.

What is your shadow, really?

You here a lot of talk about embracing your Shadow, or doing Shadow work. But what is this “shadow” that everyone talks about? Really it is simply that part of your true human nature that you do not like. You have feared that your shadow is some terrible set of urges that you really don’t want to know about. But this is not the case at all. At heart, you are a good person who wishes well for yourself and for all beings. Like the spiritist prayer says “May all beings realize their most intimate aspirations.”

But our society teaches us that many of our natural tendencies are bad, and so we bury them and pretend like they do not exist. We whitewash our exterior, and let our insides rot. Human sexuality is a perfect example. It has been so engrained in us that we are bad for having natural sexual desires, that we repress our true inclinations. We start to feel guilty about our natural inclinations, and we don’t want to look at them. This is how something becomes part of our shadow. It is simply that we do not wish anyone to know about our true nature.

And so the continued suppression of our natural tendencies stays in the dark, and there it starts to fester. Unexpressed sexuality creates a wound in our psyche that is subject to spiritual attacks by malevolent spirits. These natural urges, when they are suppressed and left to fester, are perfect entry points for malevolent spirits. And as they enter these wounds they start to do their work, and create truly deviant and unhealthy desires. The case of sexual abuse by Pastors in the American Baptist Church is a classic example. If these people had not so repressed themselves, if they had accepted themselves as they truly are, then they would not have this repressed sexual energy inside them festering. They suppressed these perfectly normal tendencies because they wanted to present a perfect clean image to the world, and thus their integrity was broken, and in this wound of the integrity, perversion festered, and this eventually led to crimes of abuse.

The addiction to pornography that is so prevalent in today’s world is another great example. I read somewhere that the pornography industry makes more money than all of professional sports combined, yet it is entirely underground. But why? Why do people secretly consume pornography? Because they are ashamed of their own sexuality. They have been taught to feel guilty about who they truly are, and so they hide their true nature behind white washed walls, and have a break in their integrity. And so when no one is looking, they sneak off and consume pornography, and this turns into an addiction.

This creates a lot of confusion about our shadows, because once something has festered into such a dysfunctional state, we really do not want to look at it. We then think our true nature is to be this horrible person that wants to do terrible things to people. But that is really only after years of festering. What we all really want is to be loved and to have meaningful loving relationships that are expressed in sexual relationships with people we are attracted to. That is our true human nature, not the diseased perversion of the abusive authority figure.

Look at animals for an example. Most animals are completely free from any concern that they have to hide their true nature. They just are as they are. And so then they really do behave in a pretty normal fashion. Of course, my dog might hump your leg in a display of excessive enthusiasm, and if were to do his shadow work he might need to acknowledge that he likes to hump the occasional leg. He could embrace this aspect of his true nature, and then he could also resist the temptation to hump the legs of people who don’t want their legs humped.

Anyone who has ever walked down the street has seen people to whom they think they might be attracted, and we are, for the most part, perfectly capable of acting appropriately. But we don’t have to be ashamed of our basic nature. It’s ok to feel attracted to people and to acknowledge to yourself that you feel that way. It’s also necessary to keep your actions in check to respect the boundaries of other people. That is the nature of Shadow Work.

So the take away, in people who have not suffered from serious breaks in their integrity left to fester for a long time, the Shadow is really not so bad. Most of us are basically good people who have received bad programming.

Relationships based on Denial of Shadow Cause Stress

In less serious situations than outlined above, failure to acknowledge and embrace our shadows causes us to enter relationships based on our outward appearance and then cause us to suppress our true nature in order to keep harmony in the relationship. I remember when I was working at a bank while also following a medicine path. I had to put on a suit and act like a super conservative banker, when my true self was taking plant medicine and embarking on a spiritual journey. I felt like an imposter in my starched white shirt, and I was terrified that anyone would find out.

A few years into this, I left the bank, and applied to the Florida Bar. Someone decided it would be a good idea to write a little letter to the Florida Board of Bar Examiners and let them know that I was “addicted to ayahuasca” and that I should therefore not be permitted to practice law in the state of Florida. I was very angry at the time, and very afraid. This forced me to appear before the Florida Board of Bar Examiners and explain to them what it was to be a member of the Santo Daime Church, and also to explain to them that my participation in the Church was in no way a danger to society or to my clients. I was very angry about this.

Why was I so angry? I was so angry because I feared I would be rejected if my true self were revealed. I expected to be despised. But I wrote a very good brief backed up by well settled cases, including a unanimous decision by the US Supreme Court involving a similar religion called the UDV, and I presented myself before the Board of Bar Examiners. They sent me a letter giving the the authorization to take the oath of office, and the letter was post marked the day after my hearing. What I had feared the most was rejection, but when the truth came out into the light, it turned out that it was not so bad as I feared.

I am now, in retrospect, very grateful for being pushed out of the closet in this way. Now I have nothing to fear, because the authorities are well aware of the truth about me, and so now I do not have to fear.

We enter all kinds of relationships in which we have hidden our true nature, and then we make promises to behave, either explicitly or implicitly, in alignment with the version of ourself we have presented. I know a lot of people who have to hide their behaviors from their principle relationship or family, because they do not want to get in trouble. Cheating on a spouse is a classic example. A more common one is, for example, someone might hide their alcohol use from a spouse or significant other.

You can see right away how this leads to alcoholism. A person who has an urge to drink and feels like they cannot do so openly, hides their behavior. Once their behavior is hidden in this way, it causes a break in integrity, and then it starts to fester. Such a person will inevitably start finding opportunities to engage in the forbidden behavior until it overwhelms their life.

To know yourself you must love yourself

If you want to know who you really are, you must first love yourself unconditionally. This is the biggest secret to self knowledge. If you do not love yourself, then you will judge yourself, and your natural impulses will be buried. There they will cause hypocrisy and start to fester, and before you know it, you will be dominated by them, and you will be really afraid to acknowledge them. That is how addictions come to hide in denial.

You are a child of God and inherently a good person. If you embrace yourself like this, then you can work on your shadow. Take the example of a person who is tempted to drink alcohol, but hides this from their spouse. If they examined their shadow with the light of love and forgiveness, they would see this in their nature. They might say to their spouse, “hey, I have noticed that I have an urge to drink alcohol when you are not around, and I feel afraid that if you find out about this, then you might reject me.” Then you can look at the urge. Is it bad for you to drink alcohol? Many people say that it’s not bad at all in moderation. You might say I think I’d like to have a beer when I come home from a run, or I’d like to have a glass of wine when I settle down for the evening.

If the person you are in relationship with is not able to handle this about you, you have to ask how you got into relationship with them in the first place. Most likely it’s because you were already hiding the behavior. Thus, when you start to find out and embrace who you really are, you may find that you cause some upset in your relationships. But also you have to be wary, because alcohol can easily lead to addiction. If your spouse is angry because you had seven drinks after work and forgot to pick up your child at a friend’s house on the way home, well maybe it’s time for you to consider your behavior and change. But you can’t do this if you don’t acknowledge it, and you cannot acknowledge your true behavior if you do not love yourself.

The power of forgiveness

The first step to learning who you really are is to commit to loving yourself no matter what you find when you look deep inside. This is like looking through a dark and dusty basement with the flashlight of forgiveness. This is why forgiveness of our sins is so important. This notion of forgiveness is a spiritual truth that has been completely abused by institutional religions for many centuries.

Most people have the notion that forgiveness is something you can give to another person that makes their actions ok. A person sins, and then goes to a priest, and asks for forgiveness, and the priest makes them say some Hail Mary’s and then they are forgiven. But this is not at all how forgiveness works. It is not that Jesus will not let you into heaven unless you ask for forgiveness, it’s that you yourself will not go there unless you love yourself. And the only way to love yourself is to accept yourself as you truly are, and the only way to do this is to go looking in your dark corners and forgive everything you find there.

If you do not forgive yourself in this way, then there will be many aspects of yourself that you do not want to acknowledge or look at. You will turn away and deny these things, and then you will live in a hell of your own creation. You will suppress natural inclinations until they turn into deviant urges, and then you will hate yourself for what you have done. These tendencies will make you an easy target for addictions and obsessions, which once in control of your consciousness are very difficult to get away from.

Healing Addictions and Obsessions

Addictions are powerful patterns of behavior that hide in denial and control your behavior so that you do things that are not in your highest good. The most common addictions relate to substance abuse and food. Others relate to the high of gambling or risky behavior. People can also become addicted to deviant sexual behaviors. The truth that few people want to accept is that anyone can drop an addiction with a simple decision to do so. If you are addicted to cigarettes, for instance, you can right now go and soak your cigarettes in water and simply never take another puff of nicotine again in your life. This is not difficult at all. If you were stranded on a desert island without any cigarettes, but with everything else you needed, you would find it quite easy to quit smoking. This is true of almost any addiction.

Obsessions are similar to addictions, except that they relate to thought patterns. You can be obsessed with attachment or hatred toward another person, or towards an object that you desire. You can be obsessed with order, with perfection, or with anxiety. Obsessions are like addictions, but much trickier to deal with, because they come from inside your own head. There is no way to avoid them by going to a desert island, for instance, because your consciousness comes with you.

So the key to clearing yourself of an obsession is to learn to recognize it. Then as soon as the thought pattern arises in your head, you simply dismiss it. You have to exercise the discipline to not engage with it at all. As soon as the thought comes up, you must identify it, and dismiss it out of hand. You cannot indulge it even for a moment. This can be very difficult to do, but if you succeed, the strength of the obsessive thought pattern will be reduced every time, and your ability to recognize and dismiss it will be stronger every day. Soon you will be back safely in your clear conscience.

Once free from obsession and addiction, and once you have forgiven all that you do not like about yourself, and once you love yourself, then you can begin to act on your natural impulse, and this will become the new dominant voice in your consciousness. You will find yourself naturally inclined to eat foods that bring health and vitality to your body, you will find yourself naturally drawn to positive relationships and naturally avoidant of unhealthy relationships. You will find yourself acting with courtesy and compassion to your fellow beings, but you will not be overly concerned about whether or not they approve of you. You will find your true nature, and that is happy and free.

Peace

Yang Warrior in a Yin World — The Path of the Divine Masculine – Humility is your Refuge

This writing is coming to me as a man, but it is not a book for men written by a man. Instead, it is a book for the Yang warrior in a world of Yin, where men and women both have both characteristics. It may be that mostly men benefit from these teachings and this makes sense to me, because I am a man who received them. These teachings were to correct my own imbalances and help me to succeed on my path. But they may also be helpful to women warriors who need to develop their own ability to hunt and to strike. Anyone who finds themselves always waiting for life to happen to them, and anyone who charges at the gate to fight every battle, can do well to find this moderation. So maybe for some women, these writings will help them to develop their own Yang power, and for the excessively masculine men, these writings may help to temper your overactive Yang with some patience and clear vision.

It can be difficult for the Yang to find their way these days. We are taught to trust our minds and then our minds are informed by the media, by the internet, and by other people who are influenced by more of the same energy. Our role models have fallen. Just look at the recent report of sexual abuse by leaders of the American Baptist Church. The same has happened in the Catholic Church. The same happens with political and business leaders. And it’s not the sex that is the problem; it’s the hypocrisy and the abuse. Our greatest leaders routinely fall to their hidden addictions, which they have denied and hidden so they can present a false image and cling to their all too temporary stations. But these frail and temporary bursts of misguided Yang energy must always fail and the truth must always prevail. We see this in the news every day.

So much of the spiritual advice and insight that we receive today comes from a feminine perspective, and it can be hard for the Yang to understand where it fits into the spiritual world. How can we embrace our masculine nature and follow a spiritual path? I have been on a spiritual path for 13 years now, and I am starting to see some of the lessons I have received over the years coalesce into a coherent structure about how to walk a Yang spiritual path in the world of Yin. And so with this post, I am writing the first of these essays, which may turn into a small book.

But first an introduction to Yin and Yang, which are the two that were created by the ONE when the universe was born from the great void. Without these offsetting natures, there is nothing. The Yin exists in contrast to the Yang, and the Yang exists in contrast to the Yin, yet each must also possess a small bit of the other. Yin is the primarily female aspect, and it is the earth, the moon and the water. Yang is the primarily Yang aspect and it is fire, energy, the wind and the air. Everything is made up of these opposing natures and it is in the balance of them that we can attain our highest selves.

This is also written from a spiritist perspective. We all throw the word “spiritual” around a lot. Many people claim that they are “spiritual but not religious.” And for me at least, this means that I am a spiritual being incorporated in a material world and having a material existence. My purpose in being here is to fully incorporate into this material world and experience my life here fully. When I leave through the door of death, my spirit will disincorporate from this reality, and I will wake up again in the place where I am dreaming this from. Just like when we wake up from a dream in our sleep, we only take our experience with us. And so it is our experience here that is the most important.

I want to be clear that these are lessons that I have received from benevolent guides to help me on my own journey. I do not hold myself out to be any kind of guru, any kind of shaman, any kind of person better than any other person. I am simply someone who has connected to spirit as anyone can do, and these are the lessons that I have had the fortune to receive. I am writing them here for two reasons. First, by articulating them in this way, I take my jumbled thoughts and express them in linear form, and this helps me to understand them myself. Second, by writing them here, they are open to comment and also have the potential to help someone else.

The World we live in is a world of primarily Yin, or feminine, force. The nature of this Yin is giant, enduring, patient, passive, attractive, and overwhelming. Water is powerful expression of Yin energy for it is a powerful force that pools in the lowest places. The nature of men in this world is Yang. We are fire in a world of water–we are temporary, small, and action oriented. The ultimate expression of Yin power in the animal world is the big snake, the anaconda. I have heard from friends of mine in the Yawanawa village in the far western Amazon of Brazil that giant Anacondas inhabit the woods and when they grow to immense size, they no longer need to move to hunt. Instead they stay in one place and cast an enchantment through the forest that causes their prey to lose their sense of direction and walk in circles until they walk into her. Then, in final moment, it is the Yang aspect of the big snake that strikes and consumes the prey. Thus, everything contains its opposite.

The Jaguar is the ultimate Yang predator in the Jungle. The Jaguar is the hunter and is the very definition of action. But even the Jaguar must wait for the right moment. I have also heard from my friends from the forest that a Jaguar can lock its eyes on a monkey in a tree, and attract a monkey to climb down out of a tree to its death. The Jaguar has a Yin nature as well, and uses this to great advantage in its hunting.

The same is true of male and female humans. Men must embrace their Yin aspect to be successful in the journey, and women must embrace their Yang. Pure Yang is a fire that burns out in a flash. Pure Yin always waits and never accomplishes.

Our main guide in the way of the masculine spiritual warrior in this world of Yin is our brother Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ was a spiritual master that inhabited the world near Jerusalem around 2,000 years ago. He was the ultimate Yang spiritual warrior in this world of Yin. He was a master of spiritual attainment and embodied the divine spirit, the same spirit that exists within all of us, to the point of being able to control the fabric of the dream we all inhabit to perform miracles. People saw that he was a son of God. What they have forgotten is that we are all children of God.

His wife was Mary Magdalene, his female companion of equal spiritual power and significance, whose place with Christ has been written over by the male dominated religious institutions that started with the Roman Empire in the 4th Century. We have had great imbalance of Yang energy in this world and this has caused incredible destruction and suffering. The murder of 6,000,000 female shamans and medicine women by the Catholic Church in the dark ages was the result of this weak misogynistic Yang excess, and we are still suffering as a species from the wisdom of the mother that we have all lost.

Jesus Christ is not our only Yang guide. We have guides from many worlds. We have, here in the United States, Native American warrior spirits that inhabit our natural environment and can share their wisdom with us when we are open and able to receive it. We have spiritual masters from the far east who have shared their wisdom for 5,000 years in China and India and Japan. We have the wisdom of South American shamans and their incredibly powerful plant medicines. We have the teachers everywhere, if we can only learn to listen to them. We have many teachers, but only one truth. The one truth is the truth of God, and it is this truth that forms the world that we inhabit.

The wisdom path of the divine masculine has been lost in a sea of excess. How can we reclaim it for ourselves? We must find our own inner warrior and chart our own course of divine masculine power in this Yin world that we live in. We must use all of our defenses, energies, and resources to succeed. The first lesson for the Yang on the spiritual path is to embrace true humility.

Principle Number One – Big Does not Make a Man

The world teaches us that to be a successful Yang in the world, you must be big. You have to have the best car, the best job, the prettiest Yin, you must be the king of the mountain. The man caught in this game is the macho man, and he takes great pride in his visibility, like a rooster. In this position, our Yang ego is inflamed and constantly on alert for any challenge to our dominance. So inflamed, all of our brothers are competitors, and all the prizes must be ours.

We see so many men strutting around and showing off their dominance in this world of illusion. We see the role models of the media stars– athletes, musicians, actors, rappers, politicians, billionaires– and we are told that success in life comes when we ourselves become the BIG MEN in the world as we see on the cover of magazines. We then compare our own achievements and find ourselves wanting, or we drape ourselves in the mantels of our heroes, by quoting their podcasts and wearing their uniforms, or by mounting their flags in the backs of our pickup trucks covered with bumper stickers.

But 99% of the men do not compete at this level of magazine covers and media stardom, and so we bring this competition down into our own arenas so that we can be the big fish in our own little ponds. And what are these little ponds? These “little ponds” are our offices, our golf clubs, our street corners, our barber shops, our platoons, our prison blocks, our temples, our schools and our churches. The path of the man in the material world of illusion is the path of competition against other men in a little pond. Everywhere men come together, we find ourselves sizing each other up and striving to be superior in the material arenas of the world. But this is not the path of the spiritual warrior. This is the path of the fool.

The path of the spiritual warrior is a small trail winding through the big world. The spirit warrior is a very, very, very small fish in a very, very, very big pond. And as such, we learn that humility is our greatest refuge, and invisibility is our best defense.

Invisibility is the Greatest Defense

Have you ever seen a celebrity try to walk in the streets of Rio de Janeiro? Have you ever seen a movie star in a public place? They are mobbed with people everywhere they go. Many people want a little bit of their essence, to exchange a few words, to take a picture, to get an autograph, to take a little bit of their power for themselves. These famous celebrities are then imprisoned by their own fame and wealth. They have to live in big mansions with security and fences. They have to travel in cars with black windows and fly in private jets and stay in hotels under false names.

So isolated, they live in echo chambers, where only sycophants can talk to them. Every window they look at turns into a mirror, and every mirror has a false image already painted upon it. They can only associate with other people who are as famous as they are, and they have to send others out into the world to do their bidding. They may be living a life of luxury, but it is sterile. It’s a giant fish bowl that they live in and all of their peers are other gold fish.

They are all in a constant battle of King of the Mountain and their life is a constant struggle to stay on top.

Great freedom comes from invisibility. I enjoy my freedom to walk anonymously in any place I go. I have walked through the streets of small towns in the Amazon outfitting myself for journeys into the jungle, and no one there gives me a second look. I buy my Andiroba and Copaiba oil, my farina and my colorão, my hammock, whatever I need, and nobody thinks anything of it. I can catch a taxi in Rio de Janeiro, and move around the world without attracting any attention at all. What gives me this incredible power is that really I am, at the core, nothing special. I have no fame and so there is nothing for anyone to recognize about me.

But this anonymity is very easy to lose. I lost it myself one time in Tijuana. I had never been to Mexico before, so my friend Bob and I walked across the border from San Diego. We were on the hunt for some Cuban Cigars. As soon as we got across into Mexico, we were swarmed by vendors offering everything from T shirts to drugs. One vendor was selling “rain sticks” which were long pieces of heavy bamboo filled with some kind of beads. I foolishly purchased one for my kids. I learned very quickly that the bamboo rainstick was a “schmuck stick”. Every vendor from there on out knew that if I was stupid enough to buy a schmuck stick, I was stupid enough to buy anything. I found myself saying no no no no over and over again. One vendor was so irritated by my refusal to buy something for him that he pointed at the schmuck stick with indignation as if to say, hey if you bought that, you have no right to turn me down.

I had lost my invisibility.

Every warrior must realize that they are inherently weak and fragile, and as soon as we stand out from the crowd, we become targets. We live in a giant world of tremendous Yin power, and we are just little tiny Yang warriors in this world. One of the most powerful secrets of the warrior is to find shelther in humility. We must learn to be small. We must learn to live simply. We must learn to carry only what we need for our journey. We must learn to be light, and fast and resourceful and nimble. We must learn to tune into the signs that are all around us. We must listen more than we speak, we must conserve our energy. We must protect ourselves from attacks. We must be invisible to our enemies and from those who would take from us.

I used to think that Humility was a personality trait. I remember a joke saying “one of my best features is my humility” and the joke was that just saying this reflects a lack of humility. But what if humility is not a personality trait? What if humility instead is a refuge? Then you can say very easily “my greatest refuge is humility.” There is no lack of humility in this statement at all.

Humility is a very small shelter, no larger than a pebble. But an elephant can stand on a pebble and not crush it. To get into the shelter of humility, you must reduce your own size to the size of an ant. And as a Yang ant, you can crawl into the shelter of humility and be safe in the world.

Humility frees you from taking anything personally

Our big Yang egos love to take offense and to become inflamed, especially when amplified by the very Yang power of Alcohol. This excessive Yang energy is on the lookout for any slight, for any disrespect, and immediately ready to challenge anyone. As such, anything anyone says is taken personally and used as fuel for this angry response. Humility is a refuge from this cycle.

Imagine any conflict where someone criticizes you. The excessive Yang heats up and fights the challenge. But the warrior guided by humility is not provoked at all. Instead he has learned to wisdom of listening to ones enemies, because often it is our enemies who can say things to us that our friends would never say. And so the Zen humble response to any insult is simply “Is that so?” That is a question the Yang warrior must always ask when faced with any kind of insult of verbal attack. By asking his question, we are asking to see the truth, and to see the truth, we must have humility.

Another aspect of humility is to not get caught up in the desire to receive credit or recognition. As soon as we are motivated by getting credit or recognition, we start to lose our invisibility and our humility. It’s far more powerful to own a TV station than to be a newscaster. The local weatherman gets all the credit and recognition, and he can’t go into an ice cream parlor without being mobbed by attention seekers. The owner of the TV station can walk down the sidewalk in his tennis shoes and nobody will look at him twice. Power does not come from recognition. Power comes from invisibility.

And this leads to a true secret that I have held for 9 years. I received a beautiful lesson in humility from an indigenous spirit that shared a vision with me in Brazil. He said to me that the secret power of humility is that it gives you clairvoyant vision. This is the first power needed by the Yang warrior. We need to cultivate our power of clairvoyant vision that can only come from the clear view of humility.

This is the first essay about the path of a Yang warrior in a Yin world. I pray to receive and share more of them. Please share comments.

Sweeten Your Inner Voice — Adlerian Psychology and the Four Agreements

I’ve been reading from two books over the last couple of weeks. The first one is a Japanese philosophy book called “The Courage to Be Disliked” and the second is the very well know “The Four Agreements”. These books have both inspired me to listen to my inner voice and hear some of the abuse that it metes out to my psyche. The Four Agreements tells us of the powerful magic we can access when we are impeccable with our word, and The Courage to Be Disliked shows us how we perpetuate our own pathological psychology because we believe it serves us to do so. In my personal case, these two concepts intersect around messages I repeat to myself and that dim my light and reduce my joyful experience of the world. One example is the self admonishment I give myself that “I am too old.” But before I get into my own personal illumination of these negative tendencies, I want to write a little bit about the concepts in the book. Please dear reader remember, that when I write like this, the primary audience is myself. I am not intending to lecture anyone, but instead I am learning as I write for myself.

I read The Four Agreements a long time ago, maybe more than ten years ago, maybe even before I started my spiritual journey in the Santo Daime tradition. The first agreement is to always be impeccable with your word. I had over the years forgotten what the author said about this, and instead remembered it as an admonishment to be strictly and completely truthful in everything we utter. It would, of course, be impossible and disastrous if we tried to implement this in our daily lives. You can start with the obvious example that if the Gestapo knocks on your door and asks if you are hiding any refugees, you say “no refugees here sir.” Other times people pry into our personal lives and a refusal to answer a question about some intimate truth that we do not want to reveal would in itself be an admission.

For example, if I ask you if you ever murdered anyone, you would easily say no. If I then asked if you had every burglarized a house, you would say no. If they then asked if you had ever sold heroine to a minor, another easy no. Then they ask have you ever smoked marijuana? Well if you then say “I don’t want to answer that question” then you’ve just admitted it haven’t you? In that case you have to say “no” even if the truth is yes.

We all have the right to keep safe and protect our intimate selves from the harsh judgments and resulting punishments that wait for us in the world. Throughout Human history–from the inquisition, to police states, to overbearing employers, to prying family members– abusive powers demand the the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Then they manipulate us with guilt for withholding our most intimate selves from those who would use the information only to abuse us.

I was resistant to reading the Four Agreements when my friend recommended me to it, because I remembered the admonition of impeccability as requiring this naive veracity. But when I read the book again I saw that impeccability requires a much more powerful discipline for the voice. What it really requires is that we not use our voice to cause harm to ourselves. The first instance of this is when we say negative things directly about ourselves, such as “oh you are so stupid!” These words form agreements in our psyche that then play out in our lives.

A lot of these negative beliefs we have about ourselves come from experiences we have had in our past. I was told at a young age that I was not good at singing or drawing, and so I believed this, and would stand by mute when happy birthday was sung, and I never attempted to draw. At that young age, I was not aware that both singing and drawing are skills that one develops through practice and love. I thought they were skills one was born with, and as I was told I did not have these skills, I agreed with this, and then never developed them.

It was not until I started in the Santo Daime tradition that I learned that everyone can sing or draw or dance just as well as they can, and if we practice we improve. I learned to accept my abilities as they are, and then give my best to develop them through practice. This is how we grow. Michelangelo did not start out by painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Rembrandt’s early drawings were awkward and lacking in perspective. Even the masters had to start somewhere and improve over time with great effort. Sure some people are born with a very sensitive ear, and that makes it easy to learn to sing. Some people are seven feet tall and that gives them an advantage in basketball. But that does not mean we cannot develop our own abilities. How cool is it when we see a relatively short person with amazing skills hit three pointers one after another?

The next case of impeccability of the word involves gossip and saying negative things about others. The book warns us strongly against this spreading of poison. The Santo Daime tradition teaches the same thing–that gossip and speaking badly about one’s brothers and sisters is a grave sin. There is one teaching that says the death of the body is on the tip of the tongue. Another says that if we speak badly about our brothers and sisters we are inviting our own demise. If I say something negative about someone else, then I will inevitably believe that person does not like me. I will create a negative opinion in the person I’m talking too, and thus poison spreads.

The second book, The Courage to Be Disliked, talks about how we hold onto our pathological psychology because it serves us to do so. This is Adlerian psychology and it is contrasted to the psychology of Freud. In Freudian psychology, the basic premise is that our present personality and our neurotic behaviors come from traumas that we have experienced in our past. In this view traumas we have suffered in the past make an indelible imprint upon us, that cause us, for example, to be unable to form lasting relationships in adulthood. Under this understanding, the only way to heal is to delve into past traumas and reconcile them.

Adlerian psychology, on the other hand, says we hold onto traumas and negative behaviors because it serves us to do so. Someone close to me used to always say they were terrified to fly on airplanes, and would have panic attacks every time they got on a plane. They blamed this on the trauma they experienced when they were on a flight that ran off the end of the runway. But it turned out that the truth was that this person really did not like to visit their family which was full of drama after an ugly divorce and some other issues. One day when an opportunity to take a fabulous trip arrived, suddenly this person was no longer afraid of airplanes. Another example we have all seen is people who constantly complain about being sick when they are not really sick so they can get the attention of their parents.

There are extreme cases of post traumatic stress disorder which can really interfere someone’s ability to enjoy a happy life. It is not for me to discount the reality of their situation or their suffering. In those cases a panic attack might prevent the person from going into a crowded street where before they were subjected to grave danger. In Adlerian psychology the remedy would be more to focus on learning that the behavior is no longer necessary, that the streets are safe, while in Freudian psychology, the remedy would be to delve into the trauma. Recognizing the difference between the two modes of psychology does not discount the suffering of people with intense mental illnesses. For them we should only have compassion and offer help.

In my own case I have formed an agreement in my own mind that I am “too old.” This started for me when I first went through my divorce and found myself single. I was about 43 years old when my divorce was final, and the first thing that came up on the radar as I started to form new relationships was that I did not want to make a fool of myself by being attracted to people who were significantly younger than me. This was kind of awkward for me, because at the time, many of the women who were “age appropriate” for me were at the stage of their life where their primary interest in relationships was to have children. I already had four sons, and a vasectomy that I had not intention of reversing. Women who were a little younger than my judgment about “age appropriate” on the other hand, were more likely to not to be focused on having kids.

I was visiting friends in another city one weekend, and there was a woman that I found very attractive. It turns out that at the time she was about 33 years old. A sister of mine noticed that I had taken interest and she smacked me on the arm and said “no way! you are way to old for her”. I internalized this. Sometime later someone in their early twenties called me a geezer, and so I started to believe that I was too old.

But now I am going to break that agreement. I’m not too old for anything. I just am what I am. In actual fact, I’m in better physical shape than I have ever been in. I am at my best weight, I have my lowest resting heart rate, and after a couple years of intense physical training, my body is strong and balanced. I do not drink or smoke and I eat a healthy diet. I’m in the best shape I have ever been in, and my mind is as sharp as it has ever been. What exactly am I too old for? Nothing.

I used to carry forward this belief because it would prevent me from making a fool out of myself through attraction to younger women. But now I am happily married and have good relationships in my life, and I no longer need this protection. There is nothing good that comes from the self perception of being old and so I do hereby reject that notion, and resolve to change my self speak to be impeccable with my word in this respect.

Over the next weeks we have several spiritual works in our tradition of the Santo Daime. In this tradition our first instruction is to examine our conscience and then to correct ourselves. I am going to dedicate my spiritual work for the next phase to examining my conscience for negative thoughts I have about myself that form these pernicious agreements that limit my joy and happiness in life. One by one I am going to identify and reverse them. I am definitely not too old to start this process. I hope you can help yourself with this practice too.

Peace.

Fitting the Pieces in the Puzzle of Life

I remembered some powerful relationship guidance from the Abraham Hicks Relationships Vortex Meditation that really helped me recently. This meditation is a series of divinely inspired statements to help align ourselves with the best vibration to attract good relationships into our lives. It has been 11 years since I first listened to them, and they keep coming up over the years with new layers of lessons and understandings. Two of them have came up for me in the time since writing my last post, and they have really helped me transform the little funk of isolation that has been nagging me.

The first goes something like this: “Do not to try to change to people to please you. Accepting them where they are will bring you ease.” The second suggests: “if you can release all concern for how others feel about you and focus only upon how you feel about them, you will discover who you truly are and what freedom really means.” I’m going to get to those lessons pretty soon, but first I want to talk a little about the picture of the squirrel in my Mom’s bird feeder, which illustrates some of the things I am learning about relationships.

My mom is 80 years old now, and she has been working in her garden for 50 years since she and my dad bought the place from my grandparents in 1972. She loves to watch the bird feeder and sits endlessly waiting for the return of a painted bunting, which I don’t think we’ve actually seen since about 1983. She is in relationship with the squirrels, who are big fans of her bird feeders. Every time they figure out how to get into them, my mom goes out and changes things around to defeat them. This is a kind of dance enjoyed by all sides. I went over to see her the other day, as I often do for iced tea, and we witnessed the most recent evolution of squirrel acrobatics and this fellow’s “first ascent” into the glory hole of the bird feeder.

I don’t really think this is bad news for my mother, who I believe actually enjoys leaving some opportunity for them, just so she can watch them figure it out. We went outside and lowered the back of chaise lounge which squirrel had used for a launch pad. Now there will be more time to sit in the Florida room with a glass of tea watching as the squirrel tries leap from a thin branch or other support. It’s a cycle that repeats itself, each time a little higher. This is the relationship between my mother and the squirrels. The squirrels do not change to please my mom, and she accepts them more or less how they are. They just go about their bird feeder dance. And judging by the fat belly of this particular offender, the deal isn’t working out so bad for him either.

These two lessons have helped me resolve a had kind of a funk that I was feeling around the time of Easter. As is so often the case, the funk we feel shows what is coming up for healing and growth as we make another cycle in the spiral of our lives. A teacher of mine once pointed out to me that we see the same situations in our life come around again and again, and if we pay attention and stay on the path of spiritual evolution, we will be a little higher on the spiral each time we go around. This is the gradual path of spiritual evolution that is the central purpose of our life here.

This mechanism works when we apply our learning and experience to the situations that continually arise. Every time we go through a challenge, we can learn more tools and skills that help us the next time. We can develop vigilance so we see our reactions before they take us over, we can develop humility so our ego’s do not carry us away, we can develop acceptance so we do not fall into the trap of self pity, we can reach for gratitude so we can look for the good in things, and of course, we can learn love. When we learn to look upon people and situations with love, then we can stay in our own vibration and not be consumed by external events and the reactions of other people.

I had been suffering from feelings of isolation, which had manifested in the sorrowful lament of “nobody wants to listen to me” which also means, “others do not value me.” This is an easy trap for me to fall into. I talked through it with a couple of my close relationships. Indeed, I was trained as a lawyer and as a negotiator in business. If I wrote a letter to an opposing attorney demanding the production of some evidence, they would never say, “you know the way you asked for those documents really made me feel dismissed, I’ll give them to you, but can you be a little nicer about it?” Nobody ever said “I understand that you are going with a competitor, but to tell me that in an email instead of in person felt cold.” I was deeply trained to focus on the matter at hand and to speak frankly about it. I was always trained to focus on the subject matter, not on the way it was delivered.

But relationships are so much more complex that business transactions! In relationships, the subject at hand is actually the interpersonal dynamics and the topic is the context in which they are played out. For example, a topic might be “where to order take out for dinner with friends” and the dynamic might be a power struggle over who gets their way. If someone is feeling ignored or abused, they will fight about where to order dinner. This deeper way of understanding communication is difficult for my masculine brain. I always tend think it’s about the pros and cons of sushi versus Indian cuisine.

It’s easy for me to tell myself a story that because I’m that way, that others just don’t like me very much, so I may as well not try. That’s the negative polarity. But that is a path that leads to nowhere. It is a path of self isolation and a joyless existence. It is far more interesting and fun to have a life of nuance and complex interpersonal relationships, and I am determined to continue learning. I think there are probably a lot of seven year old girls who are more advanced in this area than I am, and so for me, little bits of effort can produce big improvements. It’s kind of a converse way of thinking, but there is a certain joy in recognizing our weaknesses and working there, because it is there where we can find the greatest improvements.

My wife, Stephanie, and I went to Austin over the last weekend to celebrate the wedding of a dear friend who we have not seen since early 2020. We stayed in a cool AirBnb out the Hill Country with four other couples and spent the weekend together. I had never met our friend’s new husband, nor had I ever met two other men who were in close relationships with two of the other women there. So of the eight other people in the group, I knew only one of the men.

The trip was pretty short. We arrived Friday evening and left Sunday morning. Saturday we spent most of the day outside and then we had planned a festive wedding celebration Saturday night. By the time Saturday night arrived, I had met everyone, but not really made a connection. There had been too many outdoor activities, and not enough time yet. My wife was not feeling very well at the beginning of the evening, and so she had retired to our room to rest. Everyone else was down in the kitchen and on the porch, and I was feeling isolated and a little bit negative. I sat out on the porch by myself for a while and went into prayer and tried to connect to the force that was around me and inside me and look into it for lessons, and I got a good one.

I saw that my isolation was self imposed. I had a difficult experience in prior relationships where I was often subjected to harsh attacks and criticisms for friendships I developed outside the relationship. This dovetailed with an easy habit to assume that people don’t like me very much. I had internalized these reaction and agreed with them, and put myself into isolation. I myself felt resentment that I was not allowed to have friends, when my wife has never placed any such restriction upon me.

In fact, it’s quite the opposite. One of the secrets to the relationship I enjoy with my wife is that we live in a tiny box of sacred intimacy that we share only with each other. And since that tiny box is so strong and secure, we are both free to enjoy our lives and have friends. My wife was feeling a little under the weather, but this did not mean I had to sit by myself. I resented the feeling of having to sit by myself, but it was only myself who had imposed this limitation. I was in a prison I myself had built, and I held the key in my own hand.

I saw another tendency that I have, which is to try to stretch my existing relationships to fill all the needs I have in the puzzle of my life. Some of these are rather personal, but I can give a broad overview. I love to go sailing, and this requires a few people. The boat is 50 feet long and in the best winds, it’s nice to have four people on board who know what they are doing. Stephanie, however, does not like to go on the boat unless it’s relatively calm and sunny. For her a good boat day is a five to ten knot wind, a short sail, a nice lunch and swim at anchor, and an easy sail downwind back home.

If I try to stretch Stephanie into sailing in heavier weather, I’m not going to do anything good for either of us. Instead, I need to accept her where she is, and then let other relationships come into my life to fill the gaps. This is true of other relationships. If I accept people as they are and celebrate the good energy they bring into my life, I don’t need to stretch them to fill parts of myself that are empty. Instead, I can leave them empty and sit in gratitude, and they will naturally fill themselves.

As I prayed for some understanding in the force that was surrounding me on that porch, I had a vision of a puzzle piece, on a blue sky background, with the image of a man sitting in meditation painted on it. The man had a serence smile. Around him in the blue sky were other pieces that were fitting together and also gaps where pieces were missing. I interpreted this as a metaphor for the relationships in our lives.

When we work on a puzzle, we do not file down the knobs or open up the holes or file down the corners to get the pieces to fit together. We do not stretch them to force them to cover empty spaces. We do not change the pieces to please us. Instead, we accept all of the pieces as they are and trust the divine to give us all the pieces we need.

The man at the center of the puzzle in this vision, was of course, myself. I could find peace by sitting in the middle, in a state of ease and appreciation of all that was going around me. I could focus on the divine love that we all have within us, and radiate this out through my eyes on the pieces that were around me. I did not have to worry about how they felt or reacted to me. Their lives would mesh with mine where there was harmony and that was fine. People who have strong negative reactions to me will be repelled from me. I do not have to get involved with those negative reactions, and I do not have to change them.

All of the people in our group were happy and friendly and the whole purpose of our gathering was for us to meet and get to know each other. My own negative thoughts and resentments were serving no one, least of all myself! I was self isolating, and then feeling lonely, and then resenting that loneliness. So with a little bit of prayer and a little bit of divine guidance and a little bit of remembering the vortex, and a little bit of force, I was blessed with an insight that I was able to act on.

So maybe the last time I was in that situation, I did not do quite as well. But this time around, I improved. Baby steps. This time I was able to find the gratitude and abundance in my heart, to look upon my friends from the lens of how I felt about them, which was good, because it is my nature to like people. But in order to like them, I had to let go of concern for how they might feel about me, which for many of us can be delivered in the form of fear that others will not like us. The second lesson has helped me to accept my relationships as they are, and not try to stretch them to fill what I perceive as gaps in my experience.

Now I have these understandings in my tool kit. Writing about them here helps to solidify them. In summary, I was given two keys. The first is to accept people as they are, and not try to get them to change to please me. The second is to focus on how I feel (or want to feel) about them, and not on how they feel (or how I fear they might feel) about me. With these two mantras, I can sit in the middle of the puzzle of my life and let the other pieces do their sacred dance. I hope this is helpful for you too. I hope it helps my mom and the squirrels too.

Peace.

Why and How To Release Relationships that Are No Longer Serving You.

My purpose in writing this post is to share a powerful prayer to release relationships that are no longer serving you, to express how to hold firm in the shaking and distress that comes as these relationships start to fall apart, and how to heal yourself after they have broken without needing to find agreement or resolution with the person with whom you have ended a relationship. To put this into context, I will start by sharing my personal story of how this came to pass for me.

But first a few words about ending relationships. This prayer is not for small disagreements or simple miscommunications. It is about resolving situations where the relationship itself is no longer in your highest and best good, and you need to be free of it permanently. We don’t want to call an end to our relationships every time we have a disagreement. The first step is to discern when a relationship can be repaired, and when it’s time to release it.

In my experience there are two principle types of disagreement. 80% of the time a disagreement arises, its because of a misunderstanding or miscommunication. 20% of the time, a disagreement arises because we want different things.

Miscommunications can usually be resolved. How many times has it happened that you thought lunch was at 12:30 and someone else thought it was 12:00? One time recently, I forgot to “reply all” to an email, and as a result, one person felt really left out and excluded. The tense situation came not because we wanted different things, but because of a miscommunication. These can happen when people project bad intentions upon us because they are hurt or whatever. They can be resolved by communication. Some people, however, love this kind of drama, and you might always find yourself apologizing and trying to smooth things over. It might not be worth it if it happens all the time with a particular person.

The other 20% is when we simply want different things. Imagine if you will two prisoners who are joined a the ankle by a chain. One is from Los Angeles and the other from New York. While they are incarcerated, they go from one place to the next as they are ushered throughout their day. They are very good friends, and they are very happy that they are not chained to someone difficult to deal with. But then one day, a tornado comes and cuts the power and knocks down the fence, and they escape. They agree as they run far from the prison. But then, one wants to go to LA, and the other wants to go to New York. If they cannot break the chain that binds them together (their relationship), they will not be friends anymore. Under their new circumstances, they want very different things.

In real life wanting different things often comes up as we grow. You might get married when you are 24 and talk loosely about having kids. Then when you are 32, one of you might say, hey I want to have a baby, and the other might say are you kidding? I just got my license to practice medicine and I’m not about to have a baby now. Problems like this do not generally get better with time. Sometimes this can be heart wrenching, but sometimes we simply grow out of relationships as we age. This is particularly true if we enter a relationship at a time of rapid personal growth.

In my case, I came to a prayer to end relationships that were no longer serving me after a very difficult meeting of our church community in October of 2018. One of the co-founders of our Church called a meeting of the Board of Stewards and prominent members of our group to raise concerns over my leadership of the Church. Needless to say, this was a very uncomfortable meeting for me.

As the meeting progressed, people expressed their opinions about how the works in our community should be led, what kinds of works we should do, how we should have more democracy in making decisions, how everyone who wanted an opportunity should be given the chance to lead works. These kind of abstract concepts of democracy pretty quickly descended to personal criticisms of my leadership style. The problem expressed was that I was too rigid, that I was insecure and could not let go of control, that I was part of the Patriarchy that was responsible for the suppression of women, that I did not have the most experience in the group, that others knew better than I did, that I needed to humble myself because I was arrogant, that I need to share leadership of the church, and that I was too stubborn.

This went on for literally two hours before I finally accepted the talking stick. By that time, pretty much everyone in the room had expressed their feelings about me and my leadership of the community. As I held the stick and looked out around the room, it became very clear to me. We were not suffering from a misunderstanding, we were suffering from being stuck in relationship where we all wanted different things.

Let me give you an example that is free of emotional charge. Our doctrine calls for works to be held on the 15th and 30th of every month, regardless of what day of the week those dates fall on. Some people complain about this because they don’t want to be up late during the week. I understand this, because for many years, I had to get up at 6:30 in the morning after our sessions to drive my step daughter to school, and so I understand that it’s not always convenient. But for others, particularly in the hospitality industry here in MIami, they can’t take off work on Saturdays, so they are very grateful that some of our sessions fall mid week.

It was suggested that we vote on this, and I was criticized for refusing to do so. But there is nothing to vote on. The calendar is the way Mestre left it, and works are the 15th and 30th. For some this is convenient for others it is not. But it is what it is. I refused to put that to a vote and instead reaffirmed that we would be holding works as the calendar dictates. This is just one example of people wanting different things. It was clear that there were many disagreements about many important things that could not be resolved, and so it was time to dissolve many of these relationships.

I said a prayer at the dawning of the year of 2019. I wrote a prayer for the new year and asked to be released from relationships that were are longer serving me. And so I invite you to do that now. If you are open to this, I would call for the aid of Saint Michael to come and cut the cords of relationships that are not serving.

Close your eyes in concentration, and imagine a bright blue light filling up your third eye. Call to mind any relationships that are not serving you. This should not be hard, because they tend to create a lot of “thought activity” and distress in your mental landscape. Now sit with each relationship as it arises. Imagine you had news that this person received an opportunity to have a great life in a far away place. If they accept, they will be happy and fulfilled and all of their needs will be met. Imagine they tell you that are considering whether or not to accept this invitation. If they do so, they will be leaving on a journey, and will not be returning. They will have to say goodbye to you potentially forever. As you imagine this, notice how you feel about each person that comes to mind, and be honest.

If you would on balance be sad they are leaving, then it suggests you still have more work to do with that person. But if the thought of them leaving, and being perfectly ok without you, gives you a big sense of relief, that is a clear sign that the relationship is no longer serving you. Now as you continue your meditation, separate them into two groups, those who stay and those who are to go.

Now as you consider the individual or group that is going, the next step is to offer them full forgiveness for anything they have done. This is not necessarily to communicate this forgiveness to them, but more to release any baggage you have. Take any negative feelings, memories, emotions or energetic sludge that you have inside you and put it into a imaginary container that you will put on the ship they sail away on. Forgiveness in this context is simply putting down your negative emotional baggage. Here you can say another prayer to Saint Michael archangel to use his sword of crystal light to gently cut away any negative emotions you have in connection with that person. Say to yourself “I wish for you that you realize your most intimate aspirations.”

Now continuing your concentration, scan through your emotional body for feelings and thoughts about the person. Particularly in obsessive or addictive or highly toxic relationships, there can be a lot of energy flowing from you to this person. You may depend on them for financial support or maybe you fear being without the person. Maybe you will feel like you let your kids or your family down. Maybe you fear you will look foolish or be alone. Maybe they have drilled into your head that you can never be ok without them. Maybe they constantly activate some wound that you have from your childhood. These can be very serious things, but it’s time to let go. Imagine these feelings are an energetic cord that keeps you bound to this person like the chain in the analogy of the prisoners. It is no longer in your highest good to be bound to this person, and even though its going to hurt and be scary when you cut the bond, you have to cut it.

So now invoke Saint Michael Archangel again, and ask that he use his sword of crystal light to sever the bonds between you and the person or people you are letting go of. It helps in this moment to make a physical gesture of gently sweeping the sword around you and imagining all the cords being cut. Finally, now that the cords are cut, wish the person well as they embark on their new journey without you. You can repeat this process as many times as you like.

The next step is in the material world. You have set a powerful intention to be free of these relationships. The first thing likely to come is a disagreement with the person. Instead of dreading this, or feeling this is bad, welcome it. Recognize this as the energy you prayed for arriving to free you. This time, don’t try to fix it. For some relationships, the energy necessary to break free can be very very strong.

Back to my personal story, after i said that prayer at the end of 2018, things started to kind of fall apart. An elder from Brazil was coming and there was a debate about what works we should do. There was at the time another church in the Miami area, that had strong opinions about what we should do when the elder arrived. It happened that I was going to see the elder in another city on the tour, and so I said that I wanted to have the opportunity to talk to him and ask him what he thought we should do. I expected that he would want to sing one of the official collections of hymns, because his visit to Miami coincided with one of the official dates of our calendar, which called for that collection of hymns to be sung on that date. So this became a big disagreement between me and the other leaders of our church that I had prayed to be released from.

So I stuck to my guns. I said I understand that you want to respond right away saying that we want to do such and such works, and I am just letting you know that I am going to talk to the elder about it when I see him, and see what he says. This deteriorated into an all out fight, and as a result my wife and I split from the rest of the group, and started our own small Church for those who wanted to walk the path with us. I had to let the energy of the disagreement build and welcome it. You might have to do that too.

Sometimes these relationships just fizzle out, and it’s a simple matter of not responding to a couple of texts and then they go away. If so, be grateful, and resist the urge to reach out to them. Let them go and let them seek their own path. Other times the break up of the relationship is more dramatic.

So when the energy comes, you need to shift. Do not try to make it better. Let it build. It is the force you need to end the relationship. At some point, when it bursts, all the venom and anger and violence that has been festering in the relationship may explode. It might end with “Fuck you I never want to see you again.” Remember, the worse it is, the more you needed to get out of it.

Sometimes, however, people cling on in desperation, and it might be you that has to take the terminal action. This is true of most parasitic relationships where the other person is feeding off of your energetic or material resources. Parasites don’t like to leave their hosts. You may have to order them to move out of your house, or you might have to tell them you are moving out of their house. Say very clearly that you no longer wish to be in relationship with them. Ask them not to contact you any more. Then get them out of your social media world, block their phone and send their emails right to trash if necessary. Be ready for this. Protect yourself by being ready to hear insults. Call again on Saint Michael Archangel for protection and say thank you for bringing the energy necessary to end the relationship.

The final stage is healing. And here is the trick. You are healing yourself, not the other person. The other person needs to find his own path and his own healing. You are no longer that person’s resolution. There is no need to find “closure” with someone when you are terminating a relationship. For me the analogy of a flock of birds or a school of fish is very helpful. For a while, you had a special relationship with this one particular bird. But now, you have returned it to the flock. You love it like you love all birds, but not in particular.

If this was a significant relationship, it might take a long time to heal. In a romantic relationship, a good rule of thumb is it takes AT LEAST three months plus another month for every year of the relationship existed to heal. So if you were in an intimate romantic relationship for five years, it will likely take you a full 8 months to heal. Take a break for this person during this time, and above all, resist the temptation to ask them to comfort you. Resist the temptation to explain yourself. Resist the temptation to check their social media. Again you can pray to Saint Michael Archangel to help you heal.

It is helpful to release any idea of who is right and who is wrong. It’s simply that the relationship is no longer in your highest and best good.

Good luck.

Peace