Miss Daisy Is Driving

I was in the car with my Mom yesterday. She’s 82 years old, and if you’ve been reading along here, you might remember that she had a heart attack on November 4th that was the subject of my first health related blog post about the Healing Power of Prayer. It’s funny that she’s now driving me around because I had a stroke and I cannot see to drive. So instead of me driving Miss Daisy, which I thought was going to happen when my Mom didn’t look like she’d be driving around again any time soon, instead of that, she’s driving me around. Brain Damage!

I went to get my three MRA tests so the doctors can see the insides of the arteries inside my brain. I showed up at the Diagnostic Center was greated by Shawn. She told me that my insurance authorization has not been received so they could not do the test on me today. “They tried to call you yesterday” she explained.

I was in a bit of a mood.

“They may have tried to call me,” I said “but they actually did text me, and when they actually did text me, it was to confirm the appointment that I’m standing here for. “

Shawn was not moved. “I’m sorry sir, they tried to call you.”

“So this is my fault? I make an appointment with you 9 days ago, and you text me to confirm it, and I show up on time, and you won’t do the test, and I should have known because someone tried to call me yesterday? I have two doctors appointments on Tuesday that are scheduled after these tests, because the Neurologist and the Cardiologist want to see the results of these tests. I stayed home from my trip to Brazil so that I could take these tests. I arranged to have someone pick me up and drive me down here for these tests, and you tried to call me.”

There was nothing she could do. Flummoxed. Here I am, pissed off because I don’t get what I want basically. How many people in the world don’t get what they want? Most of them! and I am not anything special or entitled to any special treatment. But nonetheless, I am upset. I feel the stress hormones release into my blood. How many frustrated patients does Shawn have to deal with every day? How does Shawn feel when she’s checking some sick person in for a scan of their failing organs and then she has to tell them that due to whatever red tape they can’t keep their appointment. She must hate that. Just like people hate it when the Doctor writes them a prescription for essential medicines that they know they cannot afford to pay for. Would you rather have your blood thinner or your blood pressure medicine this month?

I called the same people I scheduled the appointment with when I got home. “They said that they asked you for your prescription, but you did not have it.”

“That’s not true. I have it in my hand.”

“Can you send me a picture of it?”

“Yes.”

They send me an email asking me for a copy of my prescription, which has all the notes from my phone call when I first made the appointment written on it. It’s a very persuasive document. It’s the kind of evidence I used to love when I was a lawyer. Nothing like a coffee stain or some hand written notes to increase the Gravitas of a document.

Baptist Health just called me back. They rescheduled my MRA procedures for Monday at 3:00. Presto.

My son Charlie called me this morning to see if he could see me before they go down to Brazil tonight. He and Simone and my Grandson Noah are going back to the farm with my youngest son Wylie, who is going to meet a really sweet young girl he met a few years ago when he first went down there. Here name is Anina. I hope it works out for them, because I don’t have that much time to spare!

Life goes on. I need to stay in gratitude.

Opthamology – Visual Field Test

Dr. Lores knew my father. “He died a number of years ago, didn’t he?” Yes, 2013. My Dad was chief of surgery at Doctors Hospital. He was chief of surgery at every hospital he ever worked at. He died in 2013, and he left Miami back in about 1985, so there are not a lot of doctors around who remember him anymore. But Dr. Lores has been in his office since I was a kid, and so he knew my father. He knows my Uncle, who lives in New York now.

Dr. Lores came in on Wednesday even though his practice is normally closed on Wednesday because he wanted to see me himself. We played the same game with the fingers and he mapped out my visual field on a piece of graph paper. Then he sent me with his PA to do the test in the machine. The machine printed out the same picture, but on different paper and somehow less convincing. It seemed so much more real when he was asking me when I could see the end of his thumb.

It’s amazing that both eyes, tested individually, both show the same pattern of blindness. “It’s up to you if you think you can drive a car, but I promise you this, if you ever hit anything with a visual field like this, the lawyers are going to take everything you own.” What about the kid on the bike? No thanks.

“You might get a little better over the next two months, but not much, if at all.”

It’s good that I can see at all! I went to my workout with Katie right after the doctor. I was actually 15 minutes late, but she waited. I was in no mood to work out. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. Katie was not having any of it. “Oh come on” she said, “you told me last week that it wasn’t going to get better. You already knew that.” and “The one thing that has changed is that you can’t drive anymore. That sucks. But that’s it. You’re fine.” Those are not direct quotes, but they are brilliant words in their simplicity and truth.

Am I thinking it, or am I doing it? Am I thinking that I am handling all of this in the best way I can, or am I handling this in the best way that I can? What is the best way to handle this? Take good care of myself in full appreciation of my condition. Learn to cope with my vision being as it is. Make any necessary adjustments in my life. Get on with it. Stay happy. Stay engaged. Stay fulfilled. Happiness? You don’t need happiness all the time. That comes and goes. You need to be fulfilled. What do you want to retire now? Are you done? I don’t want to retire ever. I do want to ski. Someone can help me ski. I don’t need to drive. Someone can drive for me.

I watched some videos on PFO closure on YouTube. It’s amazing. They stick a little umbrella through the hole, and then when they pull through, another umbrella opens on the other side and they snap together, and then a layer of cells grows over the device. I think I can go off of blood thinners.

I really don’t want to take blood thinners for the rest of my life. I want to stop bleeding. Blood clots form for a reason, and I’ve had plenty of reasons for them over the course of my life.

Adaptation. I might not be able to see better, but I can definitely adapt better. I can learn to function better.

Stephanie is still in Brazil doing our joint mission. She is very brave being there and she would be right here with me if I asked her to be. But she is there doing something that is very important to both of us. She is hosting several visitors from the field of neuroscience of all things in our house there. And here I am in Miami, going through a very neuroscience type of experience. She’s been down there for five days, which is about one day longer than it takes for me to really miss her. I don’t know if plant medicines will help to heal my brain. But I do know that they sure help to heal what I think about the situation. Faith or Fear. Faith every time.

Open Letter to Carissa Schumacher

Thank you so much for your loving reply to my email.  I am having the most amazing experience and am seeing how this is truly an amazing gift.  I did have my MRI, and it showed that there was something happening in my visual cortex that affects my left visual field.  It was funny, while I was in the MRI machine the Radiologist asked me if I had ever had a stroke.  Not the best question to ask someone in the middle of a brain scan right?

I know this is all western and horizontal, but they found something called a Patent Foramen Ovale in my heart, which is basically a hole between the two atriums, which are the upper chambers of the heart.  Their theory is a small clot or some arterial plaque went through the hole and up into my carotid artery.

This is amazing, because when I woke up Wedesday at 2:00 in the morning, I had rolled over from my back to my side, and I had a vision of like five shooting stars going up into my brain, and each left a trail of pain that became my head ache.  It seems like this was the event taking place.

But like you pointed out, this is only the horizontal explanation.  The result is an amazingly powerful channel that plugs right into my visual cortex.  I was imagining something yesterday, and saw it so powerfully and felt the feelings so strongly it was like my vision actually happened.  I literally had to sit back on the sofa.  Also, when I pray, I feel this channel activate, and it feels like there is a 20 amp circuit running right through my brain.  Sometimes colors and visions intrude upon my awake consciousness.  I used to have to close my eyes to see colors or visions, or to start a dream sequence, but now with this part of my optic nerve not informing this part of my visual cortex, this channel is now open for spirit.

I have had such powerful conversations with the Warrior Spirit of the Rainbow Wind.  Showing me how this is the answer to my prayer.  He told me that I have the opportunity to choose my response to these events and the choice is clear… FAITH or FEAR.  He told me that this condition could be a progression of strokes as my arteries continue to release plaques and small clots until my eventual demise, or I could have my PFO closed by the cardiologist, and never suffer another episode with almost a full recovery.  But that does not matter. 

What matters is that some time in my life I will face my own mortality, and this is just a chance to practice.  Then, as now, the question will be FAITH OR FEAR.  

Carissa, Fear is such a scary abyss that I see down and to my right by the side of my right foot.  If I go down there, it is a bottomless pit.  I am being shown how the knowledge and faith that I am a spirit having a material experience, and one day I will separate from this body, and this body will return to the earth, and I will be free like the Warrior Spirit of the Rainbow Wind to dance with the wind and the sun and the mist of waterfalls.  I am seeing there is nothing to fear.

What is coming instead is this powerful love.  I am so so grateful that I get to remain incorporated here!  And this body is still very good!  Sure I can’t see a little to the left. I walked straight into a tree after crossing the street with the puppies today.  I was looking down at them, and they were on my right, so that left the left side of my visual field facing the direction I was walking, and so the oak tree in front of me was not visible, and I walked right into it.  It would have to be very comic for anyone looking on at me!  I had to laugh at myself.

But Carissa, I am here!! My intelligence is here, my love is here, my personality is here, my memory is here, my guitar is here! I am so grateful that I had such a minor episode!  Sure its a little hassle to not be able to drive the car, and I’m going to have to get some help skiing in Telluride, but I will take that deal!  I can still enjoy so much of my life.

And now I am a 55 year old stroke survivor.  I no longer have to worry about jealosy or unnecessary boundaries or anything.  I can freely give and receive love because the over sexualization of relationships just does not apply to me anymore.  I am so grateful to have Stephanie as my partner.  I think it’s pretty safe to say that I’m off the market for the sweet young girls who were never actually attracted to me except in Stephanie’s imagination.  But I don’t have to worry about that anymore.  Now I’m free to be myself and I just don’t have to worry about any of that anymore.

And Carissa, I am SO grateful for little things.  Like the fact that I can see the cursor on my computer screen.  I can see the cursor and to the right, and it turns out that this is all I need to be able to write.  What a joy!  What a miracle of the brain that the visual cortex has some sort of redundancy for the part of the vision where we focus our gaze.  My visual field loss is just a little left and just a little above center.  If I could not see the focal point of my gaze, it would be so much harder to write or read.  But as it is, I can write just fine.  Thank God!

And I am also realizing the LOVE that is so huge.  The love of Yeshua, the Love of Mestre Irineu, the Love of the Virgin of Conception and Padrinho Sebastião.  The LOVE you have for me, and the LOVE I have for you are so strong.  And now I can feel it directly.  

I don’t know if that is common in your experience, but I feel like I am talking to your higher self in the Astral exactly at this moment as I write this, and I feel like I am responding to you.  I hear you saying YES THAT’s it! and Yes this is a channel, and yes I can see you there, and I hear you telling me that yes I am seeing you too.  I don’t ordinarily write this much in an email, but it does not even seem like you need to read it. It seems like I need to write it to bring this communication into being, but the actual communication is happening in the psychic mediumship realm.  The actual reading of the email is just horizontal confirmation.

So anyway, they did find just what you said they would find… maybe a little more.  They found that there is some physical evidence on the MRI that exactly explains the symptoms I am describing.  But really all they know is there is an area of lighter looking brain tissue.  But I have to say, it looks too perfect and intentional to be a random thing.  You could not have used a laser pointer to more perfectly describe the affected area.  For this to be a random event just does not explain it at all.  

I can’t really ask my neurologist if it’s possible that a divine spirit of an ancient Ute Warrior is building a structure in my brain to more directly channel divine intelligence.  That’s not really in their play book.

I am so grateful that you are my friend and that I can share this experience with you.  I can’t wait to see what opens up.

I love you so much.

Oh my new name is Schmarya Space Shalom.  More on that later.

“the expansion of the consciousness will be able to save the earth”

–Pd. Paulo Roberto, Nova Aliança